Presenting the Presents

So far, this has been a pretty good birthday for The Common Man. So far, he’s received so many things that money can’t buy. For instance:

Relief:
The Twins replaced Alex Burnett in the bullpen with AAA wunderkind Anthony Slama.

Knowledge:
That TCM shares a birthday with both Alexander the Great and Stephen Strasburg, the man responsible for shaping much of the western world’s past and the one responsible for reshaping its future.
That Stephen Colbert and Steve Carell were The Ambiguously Gay Duo:


God, The Dana Carvey Show should have been the greatest comedy show of all time.

Laughter:
From The Uncommon Wife, this is either the greatest present ever, or the worst. Those are the two options.


Tim McCarver still thinks he’s right.
Bob Uecker is an excellent role model.

Hope:
It sounds like Minnesota is finally getting serious about upgrading its pitching staff, after another terrible outing by one of the Three Amigos (Baker, Blackburn, and Slowey). TCM will actually stand by Slowey and (especially) Blackburn, whose underlying stats are generally solid. But Blackburn’s got to go.
Twins go against Justin Masterson tonight. Masterson has let lefties hit .301/.397/.452 off him in their career. The Twins have hit .315/.431/.416. The Twins figure to start Mauer, Hudson, Span, Punto, Kubel, Thome. Too bad Morneau is still hurt. Speaking of which…

Faith: In the Twins’ medical staff, who most of the time seem to just make up diagnoses and treatments as they go along instead of taking intelligent steps to prevent and minimize risk. Concussions are dangerous and not funny. Despite what you might think, players should not come back early from them unless you’re ready to deal with the realistic chance that your favorite player could be permanently damaged. TCM is very glad the Twins are leaving Justin alone, and not putting pressure on him to return.

Justice:
Bud Black is the best manager in the National League this season, bar none. No one deserves a three-year extension more.
Jeff Francoeur is one of the most frustratingly stubborn players in the history of baseball, in that he refuses to adjust his approach at the plate despite overwhelming evidence that it doesn’t work. He’s now riding the pine.
Lindsey Lohan is going to jail. Hopefully, there’s a loophole that will allow her to take Mylie Cyrus, The Jonas Brothers, and Justin Bieber with her.

Peace:
Alas, TCM has not received this yet. There is no sure peace without strength, and the Twins are still a few players short. He’s hoping for some movement by the club in the next 10 days though.

For those of you interested in giving The Common Man something money can buy, feel free to check out this list from earlier this month.