Thank God. You want even better news? Games start in just twelve days.
Sadly, it's not good news all around today. As Jason at It Is About the Money, Stupid, pointed out on Monday, the Japanese World Baseball team was working out Ichiro as a pitcher to use in emergency situations. Jason had high hopes for Pitchiro, saying "I have no doubt that this guy could do anything he wants on a ballfield, including hitting for power, if he put his mind to it. If he wants to become a pitcher once he hits 40, he could last another 10 years and it wouldn't surprise me the least. Of course, if he blows out his elbow Canseco-style, then prepare for the last WBC game you will ever watch!" Frankly, The Common Man can't imagine a more awesome development to come out of the World Baseball Classic. But it was not to be. According to this MLB.com report, joyless bastards running the Mariners have put the kabosh on the greatest baseball phenomenon since Fernandomania. According to the same article, those killjoys, GM Jack Zdurniencik and manager Don Wakamatsu respectively, explicitly told the Seattle Times, "He's not going to pitch," and that the idea was more "propaganda than real."
"I don't think it's a good idea," Wakamatsu said. "I just don't think it is a very good idea after the career he has built. It wouldn't be worth hurting his elbow."
But The Common Man's joy, and that of millions of American and Japanese fans might be worth that much, boys, and might actually breath some excitement into what may be an otherwise dreadful summer for Mariners fans. This is how Bill Veeck used to pack them in, Seattle. Stop being such sticks in the proverbial mud and have some fun for God's sake. And see, you made this boy cry:
and this one:
and you made this one comically mad:
Way to go. Keep it up, Seattle. The Common Man can post adorable pictures of sad or crying children all day. There is a veritable world of children you can disappoint out here on teh interwebs, and The Common Man doesn't think you want that on your consciences.
Anyway, until the Seattle braintrust gets their collective heads out of their posteriors, this is all the Pitchiro the world is likely to get: