Friday, March 2, 2012

Alternatives To An Extra Playoff Game

By: Cee Angi

It's been decided. There will be more playoffs teams, and you will like it.

It's something that everyone has been fretting over for quite some time. We knew it was coming, but we weren't sure when... but when Bud Selig has a good idea (this is not one of them, but play along) he's ready to implement it immediately.

So, there is one game. A single play-in game. And the team that wins this game advances to the playoffs, and the loser goes home. But, since the game is essentially a tie-breaker, here at the Platoon Advantage we're advocating that there not be a tie-breaker game, but a tie-breaker COMPETITION of sorts. Below is a list of alternatives that the MLB should consider to a traditional 9-inning baseball game.

Alternative # 1: The team with the largest market automatically advances to the Division Series. We'll call this one the MLB preferred method.

Alternative #2: The two teams gather at Miami's new ballpark for a Home Run Derby between the teams two worst sluggers. Each team will be required to have their ace throw for the Home Run Derby, but he has to throw gently from behind the net, ensuring that he is exhausted and unable to start in the Division Series, which because of scheduling could potentially be the next day. The benefit of Miami hosting? That monstrosity in the outfield.

Alternative #3: The two teams mascot's will have a fight to the death in a cage match. While this may be graphic for children, and might raise alert with PETOM (People for the Ethical Treatment of Mascots), it seems like the death of a furry may be the best way to settle this tie-breaker issue.

Alternative #4: The two team's heavy-weights face off in a Nathan's Famous hot dog eating competition. The heavy-weights will eat as many hot dogs as they can in ten minutes. Then they must put their forehead on a bat and spin in circles five times, then they must race to the finish line, which is five miles away. First player to arrive wins, and his team advances to the Division Series.

Alternative #5: MLB will create a committee to weigh the intangibles of each team's rosters. They'll measure the story lines of each player to see if they have any players that America is really rooting for. They'll also measure the stick-to-it-ness of all of these players. They will also measure their run-into-it-ness, in which video of the season will be reviewed to see if anyone on the roster has a propensity to run into things for no reason--be it dug outs, the stands, railing. Teams can gain bonus points throughout the season for making ordinary plays seem as though they require extraordinary effort, if they have a teammate that resembles Derek Jeter, or if they have ever completed a flip play.

Alternative #6:  Baseball fans are an intelligent bunch and we expect a great deal from our athletes. The two teams will submit a 10-man roster for the spelling competition. Each team may recruit one child from the Scripps National Spelling Bee as their ringer, however if the team's ringer wins the competition, they must also pitch the first three innings of the Division Series game.

Surely we can think of many more options to present to MLB. What ya got, readers?

(A very special thanks to @MattBerry05 for the brainstorming!) 


Anonymous said...

Alternative to writing something like this: not writing it. I prefer the alternative.

The Common Man said...

Alternative to commenting when you don't have anything substantive to offer and are just trying to be a dick: not commenting. Feel free to take that approach in the future.

Jason Wojciechowski said...

1. Cuban-off: team with the most Cuban players wins. (Jose Canseco: suddenly in demand in August.)

2. Nerd-off: Team with the biggest nerd wins. Generic nerds always lose to baseball nerds.

3. Twitter-off: best ratio of real followers to spam followers for the team's top three tweeters.

4. Shut-the-hell-up-off: whoever Anonymous roots for loses.

Chris Harris said...

My proposed tie-breaker: Penalties. If it's good enough for soccer, it's good enough for baseball.

Paul Pleiss said...

rI choose the hot-dog eating bat spinning five mile race. This should be used as a tie-breaker for division titles as well.

Theo said...

I personally like the idea of a trivia competition between the two teams, baseball-themed or not. Or maybe a Battle of the Bands? (suddenly Bronson Arroyo becomes a difference-maker again) Or how about it goes to the team that has the player with the best fantasy baseball team? Or, even better, maybe we can somehow tie the All-Star Game into this!

Alternatively, maybe the spot should go to the team with the better record? Nah, that's crazy talk.

Bernie B. said...

Maybe we are looking at this the wrong way? Isn't it possible MLB is just taking the optimistic approach? I mean, the best possible outcome of the regular season is a close race, and the closest race you can get is a tie. So if you schedule the tie-breaker now, maybe fate will supply the tie needed to fill that game?

Brett said...

The extra playoff game we are talking about is not the kind that breaks a tie. The kind we are talking about is a 100% sure thing to happen between the 4th and 5th seed in each league.

How about whichever team wins more of the following 9 events, all held in the same day.

1. Table Tennis (best of 3)
2. 10 mile run
3. Place kicking (longest kick)
4. rock-paper-scissors (single elimination tournament)
5. Chess (best of 5)
6. Political debate (umpires judge the winner)
7. Ribbon dancing (olympic judges)
8. Full rodeo competition
9. Goldeneye, N64 (first team to ten kills)

John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt said...

1) Jerk-off: I guess Luke Scott's team wins automatically.

2) Screw-off: The team that can unscrew the most screws in an hour wins.

3) Blast-off: The team that can produce the best amateur-made explosive device wins.

4) Hand-off: The team that has the player with the biggest hand between the two rosters wins.

5) Hands-off: The team that has the biggest combined hand-area between the 25 men on the roster wins.

6) Kick-off: The team that kicks Bud Selig in the face first wins.

7) Log-off: The team that can carry the most logs to the other side of the stadium in 30 minutes wins.

8) Pav-l-off: The team that can try operant conditioning and make the other team owner say "I do not want to go to the playoffs" wins.