Scott Miller's Childish Faith of a Child

By The Common Man

Look, at some point in our lives, almost all of us have idolized a baseball player or two.  They're on TV a lot, they do seemingly heroic things, and they're talked about in such glowing terms by broadcasters and sportswriters alike that it's easy for fans to fall for the narratives.

This happened to The Common Man with Kirby Puckett, a dumpy, perpetually smiling highlight reel with a funny name and who looked fairly ridiculous at the plate until he'd hit a baseball really, really hard, and who seemed to handle the abrupt end of his career with grace and dignity.  It turned out that Kirby Puckett wasn't nearly as nice as he was portrayed on TV, in magazines, in newspapers, and in his autobiography (which The Common Man owns in both its adult and children's editions).  It turns out that Kirby Puckett, in addition to being a really good baseball player who loved to play the game and smile a lot was also a womanizer and allegedly a sex offender.

This is not to pile on to Puckett, who The Common Man is absolutely incapable of viewing rationally as either a ballplayer or a human being, given how hard he rooted for him in real life and how much of a part of TCM's childhood Puckett was.  Puckett helped make The Common Man a baseball fan, and TCM will always be grateful for that, and for Puckett's incredible performances in the clutch that helped the Twins win two World Championships.

Funny Business

Every day from here to there,
funny things are everywhere.
--Dr. Seuss

Manny Ramirez exited, stage left (pursued by a bear?), last week, banished for 50 games for testing positive for a banned substance. Naturally, the next day A-Rod makes his 2009 debut and hits the first pitch he sees for a three-run homerun. A-Rod, at this point, is a complete cartoon character and is seen as the ultimate villain in major league baseball today. If he could grow a mustache to twirl, he'd be perfect.

At the same time, given that he is almost universally reviled in the media right now, perhaps that can take some of the pressure off of what must be a simultaneously wonderful and horrifying life. Without worrying about pleasing everybody (because he seemingly can't please anybody), maybe A-Rod finally finds some peace. Sweet, oblivious peace.

Not that it should really matter to the Yankees, mind you. Last year, Rodriguez went through a nasty divorce and ugly tabloid rumors, and still had his best overall season since 2000.

Speaking of steroids and obliviousness, enjoy this clip of John Kruk saying that Manny Ramirez should be kicked off the Dodgers (Krukie goes off about a minute in). Meanwhile, has John Kruk ever addressed the rampant steroid use that was apparently a bedrock of his 1993 Phillies?


Meanwhile, Ramirez's replacement, Juan Pierre, has been making the most of his newfound playing time. Pierre has been a huge disappointment for the Dodgers since signing with them in 2007, and a feather in the cap of bloggers and pundits who chuckled and chided the Dodgers when they saw the 5 year, $45 million price tag he came with. But in the four games since Manny's departure, Pierre has gone 9-for-16, with a couple walks, a couple doubles, a couple stolen bases (though also a couple caught stealing), four runs scored, and four RBI. Yesterday, he scored or drove in 4 of Los Angeles' 5 runs in a 7-5 extra-inning loss to the Giants.

Pierre's hot streak comes at exactly the right time for him and the Dodgers. If Pierre can prove capable over the next fifty games, he and the Dodgers might just be able to sucker a contender with deep pockets to give up something of value for Pierre, especially if they view him as an option in centerfield. The White Sox and Yankees have already demonstrated unhappiness with their CF situation, and Pierre seems like just the kind of mistake they might make, if they're desperate in July.

As hot as Pierre's been, however, Zack Greinke's been hotter. Greinke lost his first game of the year on Saturday, proving that he is human. Indeed, all you have to do to beat Zack Greinke is hold the Royals to zero runs. Then, when he goes eight innings (for his 4th complete game), and gives up a single run (raising his ERA from 0.40 to 0.51), you can still hold your head high, after he retires 21 of the final 23 guys you send up against him. Yikes.


Also, Joe Saunders (who pitched the shutout that beat Greinke), you're pretty awesome with your 5-1 record and 2.66 ERA.

Finally, The Common Man has kept his pinko, leftist politics out of his blog for a while now, after discovering that far more readers were interested in baseball than in the other eclectic collection of topics The Common Man bounced within. So please indulge him for a moment as he expresses some admiration for this country's new President. Barack Obama, is there nothing he can't do?:

Manny Being Someone Else

Dwight Schrute may be the most amusing character on television today (though Michael Scott does give him a run for his money. Militantly productive, anti-social, paranoid, ambitious, and authoritarian, Rainn Wilson's Schrute is the ultimate terrible coworker. But for all the headaches he creates for his higher-ups with his sexism and his power plays and his sycophantism, Schrute is tolerated at Dunder Mifflin Paper Company for one reason: he is an excellent salesman. He brings the same single-minded, rabid enthusiasm to his job that he has in the rest of his life. And because of that he is successful.

Manny Ramirez is Dwight Schrute.


Manny's behavior has already gotten him run out of one city, where his performance (though still excellent) was not enough to compensate for the headaches he created. However, since his trade to the Dodgers, now a full half-season ago, Manny's performance has compensated for a lot. In 341 plate appearances, Manny has hit an amazing .385/.493/.718 with 23 homers and 71 RBI, despite being 37 years old. That will cover up a lot of setting the office on fire:

The Common Sportsman: Un-Manny

A few days ago, The Common Man kinda, sorta defended Manny Ramirez, but not really. One pundit was calling Manny out for actively trying to sabatoge his team and, while The Common Man had heard about Manny's lackadaisical attitude and questionable motivation in the past, he was certain that Manny's accomplishments earned him the benefit of the doubt.



Apparently, however, so does Manny. According to the dean of baseball journalism, Peter Gammons, "Manny clearly has decided that he has already fulfilled his obligation to the first eight-year [$160 million] contract, and wants the next $100M right now." Gammons argues that Ramirez's "trying to opt out in the middle of his contract during the season," by "blackmail" -ing the Red Sox into giving him an extension or trading him to a team that will. Now, when Joe Sportsguy claims on the radio that Manny is tanking on purpose, it's one thing. But when Peter Gammons puts his sizeable reputation on the line to outline the ways in which Manny has "bag[ged] it," The Common Man pays attention. It's not that The Common Man was wrong, per se (because The Common Man is never wrong). It's that The Common Man did not fully appreciate the levels to which Manny would sink and sulk to get his payday, making clear "his disdain for the game, for winning and for any form of authority."

And so, this is where The Common Man gets off the Manny bandwagon. What he could once dismiss as quirky, kooky,and playful, The Common Man now sees as symptoms of Manny doing whatever he could get away with because he was Manny Ramirez, and the Red Sox needed the thunder in his lumber. The Common Man calls you out, Man-Ram. Calls you out for your unwillingness to hustle and try your hardest, your cowardly refusal to face tough pitchers, and your mercenary attitude toward the game and the fans. Manny Ramirez, you ain't no kind of man at all. Your manhood is hereby revoked.