8 x 2

The Common Man is still up in arms over this country's continued refusal to provide equal rights for its gay citizens. Today, in the comments of The Common Man's Prop. 8 entry, a new commenter, Erasmus, asks an important question, the answer to which is essential to defusing the Pro Prop 8 propoganda. While The Common Man sought to answer him in the comments section, the response ended up being far too long. So, The Common Man reprints Erasmus's question here, and offers his reply.

Sorry for the lateness of the response. I don't read the Common Man as often as I should. Without comment on either, it occurs to me that the argument in favor of gay marriage is identical to the argument in favor of polygamy. Does the Common Man draw the line anywhere on the consenting adults union continuum? Yes I appreciate the irony that most polygamists are against gay marriage. :)

Your tardiness is excused, Erasmus, provided you are dutiful in checking in in the future. Dissent here is welcome, and The Common Man appreciates your input.

That said, you're comparing apples to oranges. Indeed, the argument for polygamy is typically a numbers-based dispute, while the gay marriage issue is simply one of fairness and equal opportunity. Even if you believe in polygamy, you can be married to the person you choose (just not to more than one person). If you are gay, however, you cannot.

Also, Erasmus, Prop 8 was an action of the state and people of California. This is significant because when a state hands out rights, it cannot (or at least should not) selectively deny them for specific subgroups of people. It's not "Congress shall establish no law prohibiting the freedom of speech except for left-handed people, who should just shut the Hell up and be grateful that they get scissors and notebooks that cater to their backwards ways." The promise of America is that everyone should have the same basic opportunities, and that what they do with those opportunities is up to them. California, and those who oppose gay marriage deny opportunity to a category of humanity, and that's not right.

The Common Man does draw the line on the consenting adults continuity, Erasmus. Be clear, the problem with polygamy in this country (and around the world) is that it has led to an exploitive and predatory patriarchy that has abused and neglected women and kept them in perpetual servitude. And it has, in its insane and out of control need for more brides, resorted to preying on young girls to fill that need. So it is in the government's interest, and the public's, to make sure that half of its citizens aren't subjected to the lunacy of the Warren Jeffs compounds.

In general, however, The Common Man believes that legality should have little to do with spirituality. If, a la Big Love, three women want to live with one man who is committed to supporting them all and raising their kids, that's ultimately not The Common Man's business (so long as the women aren't being exploited; there's a difference between being a polygamist and being an asshole), anymore than it's The Common Man's business that a young boy lives at home with his mother, father, sister, Uncle Fester, Grandpa Munster, Aunt Clara, and mom's best friend from high school who just left her husband and needs a place to stay for a while.


In fact, The Common Man knows some de facto polygamists (though not actually married, as far as he knows), who he finds intelligent, self-assured, and generally pleasant (and who did not have, nor want, any children). Weird people, very very weird, but kind. The Common Man may not like it, may not agree with it, and may generally find it perplexing (The Common Man has enough trouble catering to the whims of one wife, thank you), but it's ultimately not his place to get angry about it. They are all happy and their arrangement in no way interferes with the sanctity and efficacy of his own marriage. In the same way that allowing gay people to marry one another has absolutely no effect on The Common Man's marriage to The Uncommon Wife.

8 Is Enough

The Common Man has been recovering from his long, dark night of the blogging soul, and catching up on some work in the past day or so. His excitement over the Obama victory (and there was a good deal of excitement), however, was tempered by his disappointment over California voters' decision to ban gay marriage. Proposition 8, which sought to amend the state constitution to codify a marriage as a union of a man and a woman, won by a 52-48 percent margin, undoing a California Supreme Court ruling from last year that made gay marriage legal. The Common Man has people he loves and cares about who are gay, and he feels very sad that they are not afforded the same opportunity as their straight brethren.



This election highlights just how unacceptable the general public of this country finds gay marriage. Indeed, if a state as liberal as California can't turn out enough voters to defeat such a ridiculous amendment, no state can. Anyway, The Common Man wants supporters of equal marriage rights to know he is with them, and so presents of all the reasons supporting gay marriage is manly, or at least not not manly:

1) You are secure in your masculinity and your marriage. You understand that your marriage is not in jeopardy because Adam and Steve can now tie the knot. Adam and Steve have their own problems to worry about, without looking for ways to undermine the sanctity of your union. And just because they have the option to walk down the aisle doesn't mean you are suddenly going to put on short-shorts, buy a Shih-Tzu, and go looking for a James Gandolfini-look-a-like in San Francisco's Bear Bars. Indeed, your sexuality is your own. And your marriage is your own. And they will both thrive or fail based on your ability to be a man, not on the influence of some outside force. The only reason to feel threatened is because you feel afraid, afraid like a girly scaredy man.

2) Fairness is manly. Sure, life isn't fair sometimes. Nor should it be. But as a society, America should always strive to make opportunities equal for all. In some instances (school busing policies, for examples), the best overall way to promote fairness of opportunity isn't crystal clear. In this case, however, it is. Gay people are being denied a right that straight people have. If marriage is a right (and its inclusion in state constitutions suggests that it is), then it is a right that should be extended to all peoples. Besides, who says marriage is a benefit? Lyndon Johnson said about Affirmative Action, "You do not take a person who, for years, has been hobbled by chains and liberate him, bring him up to the starting line of a race and then say, `You are free to compete with an the others,' and still justly believe that you have been completely fair." If marriage is a ball and chain around the feet of straight men everywhere, The Common Man welcomes putting that same chain around the limbs of gay couples. Let's even the playing field.

3) Choice is manly. Men crave the ability to control their own destiny. Whether that is owning their own businesses or driving the car. It's the American dream to be able to make the choices that shape who you are and what you will do. This goes for the associations men keep as well. Men don't like to be told who to date or who to be friends with, who to like and who to hate. Indeed, when states ban gay marriage, they are essentially limiting choice. These states are saying that they don't think you have the ability to make the choices about your life that are best for you. Conservatives often complain about a big government, and getting that government off of citizens' backs. The Common Man has a hard time imagining a more intrusive government than one that won't even allow its citizens choose how they will be associated with the people they choose to associate with.

So grow a pair, support gay marriage and denounce Prop 8. You know it's the right thing to do.