Fighting The Latest "Performance Enhancers"

By The Common Man

Yesterday, we learned that George Brett and his company are being sued for making false medical claims about "Ionic Necklaces," which are similar to the Phiten necklaces that MLB players have been wearing since 2010. Brett's necklaces, according to Brett, "help customers relieve pain in the neck, shoulders and upper back, recover from sports fatigue and improve focus. The company has also falsely claimed its bracelets, which include two roller magnets, would relieve wrist, hand and elbow pain, the lawsuit said."

Phiten's product, meanwhile, supposedly "helps to promote stable energy flow throughout the body. The benefits of this are longer lasting energy, less fatigue, shortened recovery time and more relaxed muscles” using "aqua-titanium technology" according to the product description.

So, magnetism and metal dispersed in water. That's what these guys sell to athletes. In return, the products are supposed to boost athletic performance by helping move energy around, or promoting healing, or energizing your particles, or some such nonesense.

Here's The Common Man's question: Isn't that what Performance-Enhancing Drugs are supposed to do? Steroids and HGH are both ways for athletes to gain a competitive advantage on their opponents with the aid of technology and chemistry. Isn't this the same thing, except delivered in a fashion accessory rather than a needle?

Science Faction

Good news typically does not come out of Cleveland, so today is an auspicious day. According to CNN.com, two week ago an eight-surgeon team performed 22-hours of surgery to transplant the face of a deceased woman onto a woman with a severe deformity in her face. Since the surgery, the recipient has been recovering slowly but comfortably, and has not yet seen her face.

Once upon a time, John Travolta, Nic Cage, and John Woo had a dream that their fantastic (in all senses of the word) film Face/Off would lead to revolutions in face-transplanting technology. Their ridiculous action movie made the case that facial transplants were not just possible, but were easy and totally awesome. Now, just 11 short years later, those days are finally here!

Of course, it's not easy yet. The Cleveland patient has six months of rehab ahead of her, and must relearn how to smile, how to regain her facial motions, and must take an extensive battery of immunosuppressants for the rest of her life. That said, this is wonderful news for a lot of people in the United States. All joking aside, The Common Man hopes that this woman's life is vastly improved by the surgery. It sounds as though her life was both physically and psychicly painful before this, with no right eye, no upper jaw, no sense of smell or taste, and having been called names on the street whenever she ventured out of her home.

That there are people who are against the possibility for this surgery is baffling. One such opponent, Peter Clarke of the Institute of Catholic Bioethics argues that the potential risks and side-effects are unacceptable for a surgery that is not life-or-death. But given the magnitude of the deformities in question, and that this surgery is considered a last resort, and that patients are carefully screened in advance, The Common Man is confident that the surgery is the only viable option for some Americans in order to go on. As Arthur Caplan, the head of the University of Pennsylvania's Medical Ethics Department, points out, "have a huge suicide rate" and their quality of life tends to be poor. And it's not like anyone is going to the surgeon and asking for their face to be taken off so they can get a George Clooney, neither the donors nor the patients have any idea what the other looks like, so they don't get to pick their face. Like with birth, it's the luck of the draw.

The Common Man hopes that medical breakthroughs like this continue, and that these options are available to suffering men and women around the world. Medicine has advanced so far so quickly that the things doctors can do today are practically miracles.