Thursday, January 22, 2009

Strangeness Afoot

Strange stories everywhere yesterday, it seems.

--First and most importantly, the great national non-crisis spawned by Chief Justice Roberts' and President Obama's attempt to rewrite the Presidential oath has been resolved. Roberts, of course, misplaced the word "faithfully" in the oath on Tuesday, turning the Constitutionally ok "I will faithfully execute the office of president to the United States" into Constitutionally dubious "I will execute the office of president to the United States faithfully." Obama, after some confusion, followed suit, and The Common Man speculated in several forums (including to The Uncommon Wife, who rolled her eyes) that Roberts had done it on purpose, since Obama had not voted to confirm him. Yesterday, under the cover of broad daylight, Roberts was summoned to the White House on the advice of White House counsel Greg Craig (thanks, mom and dad, for the rhyming name, you guys are awesome) to readminister the oath and put any doubts to bed about who really runs the show.

--In other fun news, perpetual humbug Rush Limbaugh has catapulted himself back into the limelight by publicly hoping for Barack Obama to fail in his attempt to solve the economic crisis:

Yet, Obama's failure would be America's failure, would it not? Millions of Americans out of work? Millions of Americans forced from their homes? Billions of dollars gone, with no hope of recovery? That's all fine with Limbaugh, as long as his precious ideology, which has failed so spectacularly in practice, remains unmolested. What a child he is.

--George Mitchell, whose name The Common Man keeps mentioning in connection to some report on steroids or other, is back in the news today, as Barack Obama has named him to lead a special envoy to the Middle East. Mitchell, aside from providing political cover to extortionists, was the Senate Majority Leader from 1989 to 1995 and has been generally praised for his efforts to bring peace to Israel in the past. He is, however, a graduate of Bowdoin College, so how good can he really be? Also, if he handles his job this time around anything like how he handled baseball's steroid scandal, the fighting will continue to rage, but the rest of America will stop paying attention to it.

--Finally, yesterday, troubling news surfaced that should concern real men everywhere. According to this CNN report, there is a drastic shortage of buffalo wings:

Rising prices? Fewer wings on the market? Color The Common Man concerned. Now is definitely the time to start a poultry farm, it seems. Look, The Common Man doesn't care who you are or from what walk of life you are from. If you have two X chromasomes (XY chromosomes, The Common Man forgot his biology and his spellcheck at home, thanks to Michael Albert for ihs ehlp) and you don't like buffalo wings, there is something seriously wrong with you. The Common Man likes him some buffalo wings, he can tell you that. The hotter the better. And there is no better place to get them than this place. One bite of their delicious and spicy Bonfire wings made The Common Man weep for joy. They had a perfect blend of flavor and kick that was augmented by a smattering of chopped jalapenos. The Common Man can handle the hottest of the hot, but if he can get a wing that satisfies his burning desire for burning and his tongue's desire for deliciousness, he jumps at the opportunity. The thought of all that wing sauce and no wings to pour it on makes The Common Man weep for an entirely different reason. Chickens, reproduce faster. Feel free to list your favorite places for wings in the comments below. Also, have the prices gone up lately?


Michael Albert said...

"If you have two X chromasomes and you don't like buffalo wings, there is something seriously wrong with you."

It seems like The Common Man has forgotten a bit of biology, and a bit of spelling too (unless some subtle point was intended here that I missed!)

ted said...

I'll always have a fondness for Quaker Steak and Lube wings - especially their variety of sauces. The 9.99 all you can eat wing night at the original Lube in Sharon, PA was a highlight of my college years. Unfortunately as they've branched out, the quality has been diluted.

In St. Marys PA Dino's has the best wings I've tasted in the area. I'll have to swing through Bellefonte and try out your recommendation.