Thursday, March 4, 2010

Upcoming Plans, Lessons Learned, and a One-Sentence Movie Review

The Boy is still sick, work is busy, and tonight The Common Man and his son wing their way southward to Arizona. TCM will take in as many baseball games as he possibly can within four days without feeling like a horrible parent. He'll send pictures and be a busy blogger. In the meantime, enjoy these lessons TCM gleaned from watching the ridiculous and snark-inducing 2012 last night with The Uncommon Wife:

1) Sure 6 billion people will die in the global catastrophe; but if one little girl learns to not wet the bed, it'll all be worth it.

2) Don't worry. If they survive, white people can always go back and recolonize Africa...because it worked so well the first time.

3) Never sit with your back to a neutrino.

4) Always believe people who sound crazy. The crazier their predictions, the more absolutely correct they're bound to be.

5) Airplanes are freely available for the commandeering, and a surplus of pilots will make escaping the destruction of the world easy.

6) Children are our future...however, they will also almost get us killed every 15 minutes.

7) The most secret and secure of government bases are the easiest to get smuggled into.

8) John Cusack is impossible to kill. When the chips are down, stand near John Cusack and bathe in his invulnerable deus ex machina-inducing charm bubble of protection.

9) At all times and in all places, when in doubt, panic. CALIFORNIA IS GOING DOWN!!!!

The Common Man's review in one sentence: If you need to laugh at the expense of a movie (just as The Common Man did last night), want to know what happened to Lloyd Dobler and what he would do in the Apocalypse, or want to see Woody Harrelson squander the goodwill he earned in Zombieland, this utterly idiotic, tactless, and overproduced fetishization of the destruction of humanity is the film for you (note: TCM had a blast).

1 comment:

James said...

I was in Tempe, AZ last weekend and posted some pics and video from the Angels camp.

Have a great time... Be sure to eat at Don & Charlie's in Scottsdale!