The Common Man Givith...

It has never happened before, but in light of recent events, The Common Man is forced to strip the television executives in charge of the Sunny Side Up Show on Sprout TV of their hard-won Beacon of Manhood. It's not that they have done anything wrong necessarily. Kelly is still bubbly and adorable, and the show still entertains The Boy. But someone far more deserving has come to The Common Man's attention, such that he is unable to justify selfishly awarding the Beacon to a bunch of soulless TV execs who cast a hot girl for their morning program.

Who could have the pull to so drastically alter The Common Man's plans? His name is Earl Stafford. If you haven't heard of him before now, that's ok. He's not a famous man. And he hasn't done anything earth-shattering like curing a disease or inventing the flying car. No, his claim to manliness is far more humble. He's just a wonderfully generous man.

According to CNN.com, Stafford "has spent $1 million to give hundreds of poverty-stricken and terminally ill Americans, along with wounded men and women in uniform, an inauguration experience that would ordinarily run each of them thousands of dollars or more." Stafford's plans for his guests include "high-end hotel rooms and luxury suites, food and drink, a (heated) viewing spot right above the parade route, even gowns and tuxedos to wear to celebratory balls, and a beautician to help [them] get ready for it." He is also prepared to lay out another $600,000 to pay for meals and private balls for those he is bringing to Washington.

Why? Stafford told the Washington Post,

"We wanted to...bless those who otherwise wouldn't have an opportunity to be a part of the great celebration, the inauguration and the festivities. Our objective is to bring in a cross-section of society — those who are distressed, those who are terminally ill, those who are socially and economically disadvantaged, those veterans who are wounded and served our country.... We've gotten away from those core values that made America great. We just need to get back to caring about one another."

Barack Obama's inauguration is "a transition in history, if you will...and everyone should be included."

Look, professional douchebags like Sean Hannity have done a lot to pervert what the phrase "great American," in the last few years, as though what you believe is a far greater criteria than what you do. Stafford, through his generosity, his patriotism, and his good will is the perfect embodiment of what Americanism and masculinity should be. Good job, Earl Stafford. You sir, are a great American as well as a great man. And, if you have a couple extras, could you send a couple tickets The Common Man's way?

Beacon of Manhood: Jamie Moyer

Well, The Common Man's successful viewing experience last night, brought about by Penn State's first win at Ohio State in 15 years and plenty of time to watch Game 3 of the World Series, was improved tremendously by watching 45 year old (he'll be 46 next month) Jamie Moyer baffle Tampa Bay Rays hitters for 6.1 innings. Moyer, despite coming up ridiculously short in his previous start, bounced back against the young and hungry Rays, taming hitters less than half his age. Moyer limited the Rays to just 5 hits and 3 runs, and striking out five (including 23 year old BJ Upton once, and 22 year old uber-rookie Evan Longoria twice). He wasn't perfect, but like the cagey and wily old man that he is he kept his team in the game and far exceeded expectations.

Baseball is a funny game. As in life, the race doesn't always go to the swift or the fight to the strong. Sometimes, indeed often in baseball, gutty and smart performers can outstrip even the most skilled and gifted opponents. And when that happens, baseball is infinitely more fun to watch. Being privileged enough to watch Nolan Ryan reel off no-hitters long into his forties, or see Rickey Henderson in his 5th comeback coax out his eleventy billionth walk off a 20 year old phenom, or Jamie Moyer, throwing changeup after changeup in his first World Series in a 22 year career.

For his impressive work and his impressive age (and because no one else seemed particularly inspiring this week), The Common Man awards Moyer this week's Beacon of Manhood. The Common Man hopes to be just as successful, grizzled, and impressive when he's 46. The Common Man doesn't much mind being wrong in his predictions his prescience is thwarted by an awesome story and an ideal example of masculine manliness.

Beacon of Manhood: Cook County Sheriff Tom Dart

When the skies are darkest and gloom has settled over the whole of the American landscape, in the forms of an unpopular war and a spiraling economic collapse, The Common Man is often most struck by the single rays of light that shine down between the clouds, briefly illuminating one small part of the world and reminding him that, yes, the sun will shine again. One such ray of light is Cook County Sheriff Tom Dart.

In an Op-Ed piece for the Chicago Sun-Times, Dart announced today that he and his deputies would no longer be evicting tenants from foreclosed-on properties. Dart writes, "Too many times, our deputies arrive at a home to carry out a mortgage foreclosure eviction, only to find a tenant -- dutifully paying their rent each month -- who is unaware their landlord stopped using that rent money to pay the mortgage. They had no fair warning that they were about to be thrown out of their home." The banks, Dart argues, "have done nothing to determine, in advance, who's living in the building -- even though it's required by state law," and in doing so have forfeited their right to have the Cook County Sheriff do their dirty work for them.

Dart acknowledges that his refusal to execute evictions may be against the law and may land him in jail for contempt of court. "If that's the case, I'm willing to accept it though I believe most judges in Cook County share my desire to find a solution for this mess." Dewitt's willingness to suffer the consequences for his actions, and his willingness to violate what he considers to be an unjust law, recalls the struggle of one of America's greatest men, who famously wrote "One has a moral responsibility to disobey unjust laws.... One who breaks an unjust law must do so openly, lovingly, and with a willingness to accept the consequences. I submit that an individual who breaks a law that conscience tells him is unjust, and who willingly accepts the penalty of imprisonment in order to arouse the consciousness of the community over its injustice, is in reality expressing the highest respect for the law."

Now, Dart's actions may be motivated by more than altruism. Indeed, his refusal to evict residents will undoubtedly play well with voters and will turn him into a populist symbol around which to rally. And his refusal to act may pass the responsibility to execute the evictions on to a party who will have less regard for those they are kicking to the curb. However, his willingness to stand up for this cause draws attention to a growing problem in America's metropolitan areas and could lead to government action to alleviate this problem. It is blatantly unfair for landlords to pocket rent checks from their tenants and not pay their own mortgages. And it's not the tenants fault that their landlords are rats. That Dart has identified this inequity and is taking action to alleviate it makes him this week's Beacon of Manhood.

Beacon of Manhood: Undecided

The Common Man is totally lost this afternoon. He has to pick a becon of manhood this week and doesn't know who it's going to. So, while The Common Man and The Uncommon Wife take a couple of days off to take The Boy up to the family cabin for the first time, he's going to leave you with a homework assignment over the weekend. The Common Man will lay out the case for each of the candidates for this week's beacon, and will ask you to make the decision in the poll on the right.


Rep. Mary Kaptur

The Common Man was all set to, for the first time, give a Beacon to someone not of the male persuasion. Kaptur, as you can see in the video below, clearly and effectively calls out Wall Street for its shiftiness, and advocates for a solution that will insulate taxpayers, have consequences for investment firms, and prevent future offenses of this kind.

It was exactly the kind of concise, useful, personable, and clear rhetoric that is often so lacking in Congressional debate and is as riveting as a speech on the floor of the House of Representatives is likely to get. For her manly speechmaking and wisdom, The Common Man was all set to close up shop. Until...

Benjamin Franklin



The long-dead founding father was The Common Man's next choice. According to many sources, it was Franklin and a group of associates, in 1731, who created the first public library in the United States. This is significant to The Common Man this week in particular, since he was able to get several DVDs, books on CD, Springsteen albums, and books for this trip. Even if the weather doesn't cooperate, The Common Man and family will not be hurting for entertainment this weekend, even during a five hour car ride. And that wouldn't be possible without the foresight of Mr. Franklin. Indeed, it is that manly foresight that makes him more than worthy of this week's beacon, despite not drawing a breath for 218 years. Plus he did some other stuff with the Constitution, being an ambassador, harnessing electricity, printing newspapers, starting a fire company, and some other stuff. Go read a book. The Common Man recommends David McCollough's biography.

Also, The Common Man found 100 bucks today. So that was awesome.

Alexi Casilla



What's in a name? that which we call a rose
By any other name would smell as sweet
--Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet, Act II, sc ii

Contrary to popular opinion, Shakespeare's actually saying that while a rose is a rose, the names that we give something have great power. Indeed, it's the name that dooms Romeo and Juliet. If he were Romeo Jones, he and Juliet would have tons of little babies who looked like crosses between Claire Daines and Leo DiCaprio. So, since names are so significant, The Common Man is in awe of the Minnesota Twins' second baseman. Saddled with the name Alexi, he has nevertheless thrived this season, hitting .286/.335/.384 while playing excellent defense at the keystone spot. His crowning moment, however, came last night when Casilla singled home Nick Punto with two outs in the bottom of the 10th inning to beat the Chicago White Sox and overtake them for 1st place in the AL Central. Casilla has made The Common Man giddy with joy today, as he has visions of underdogs winning the World Series dancing through his head. And for that, and for doing so in spite of being cursed with a girl's name, demonstrates some manly fortitude and excellence that deserves to be rewarded.

David Letterman

In response to the economic crisis, John McCain has "officially suspended" his presidential campaign, claiming he needed the time to help hammer out the Wall Street bailout that his Republican colleagues have, to this point, short circuited. To this end, he tried to get tonight's debate against Barak Obama rescheduled and left the campaign trail (including cancelling an appearance on The Late Show with David Letterman. Leaving aside the important question of whether a sitting President should have the ability to multi-task, McCain's decision to cancel on Letterman may have been a poor one. Indeed, not only did McCain cancel, but told Dave he was "running to catch a plane" to Washington. Meanwhile, Dave, who (as someone with a national forum every night in which he's expected to poke fun and political figures) has a disproportionate influence on the American consciousness, finds out that McCain has instead chosen to skip his show to do an interview with Katie Couric for CBS News. Offended and angry, Dave called McCain out on his questionable strategy and his deception on the show (see the clip below).

For using manly wisdom to recognize the political stunt and gamesmanship McCain is using, and for having the guts to call him on it, Dave deserves a beacon.

So that's it. Go vote. Help your friendly, neighborhood Common Man. Meanwhile, he'll catch a fish and drink a beer in your honor.

Beacon of Manhood: Scott Adams

In the mid-nineties, if you were paying anything that resembled attention, you learned to appreciate the genius that was Dilbert. Capitolizing on the growing cubicle-discontent that also spawned the terrific Office Space and eventually led to today's British and American versions of The Office, Dilbert-creator Scott Adams poked fun at corporate culture, management incompetence (not that, as The Common Man peruses today's financial news, any of them has learned a damn thing since then), consumer greediness, and the willful ignorance of the masses. Dilbert's popularity culminated in a two-season run on the UPN as an animated series (which, The Common Man supposes, qualifies it as a success on that network), voiced by Daniel Stern, Chris Elliot, and Kathy Griffin, from 1999-2000. Dilbert motors on today, enjoying slightly less cultural cache, but still earning its creator millions upon millions of dollars. The lucky and talented bastard.

But Adams, to his credit, is not content to simply swim through his cash a la Scrooge McDuck. Partly out of curiosity, and partly out of frustration, Adams has put his money to work for the rest of America. In a commentary for CNN.com, Adams writes, "This summer I found myself wishing someone would give voters useful and unbiased information about which candidate has the best plans for the economy. Then I realized that I am someone, which is both inconvenient and expensive. So for once I asked not what my country could do for me." And so, Adams privately funded his own survey of (500) economists at the non-partisan American Economic Association to see who economists believe has the better plan for restoring the American economy to its former strength and vitality.

Like any good political surveyer, Adams is up front and honest about his biases, claiming that he leans libertarian on many social issues, won't vote for candidates who promise to raise taxes in his income bracket, and is uninspired by John McCain. His findings are intersting. Economists tend to break down on party lines in their answers, with 88 percent of Democrats supporting Obama's policies, and 80 percent of Republicans supporting McCain's. Economists who identify themselves as independents (27 percent of the total), break for Obama by 46 percent to 39 percent (presumably with 23 percent claiming there would be no substantive difference between the candidate's plans, as far as the future of the U.S. economy is concerned). The most important economic issues facing the U.S. going forward, according to these 500 economists, are (in order) education, health care, international trade, and energy.

So, are these economists right? As Adams points out, it probably impossible for them to predict, with any degree of certainty, just what will happen to the U.S. economy in coming years, let alone six months. "In my view," he writes, "if an economist uses a complicated model to predict just about anything, you can ignore it." However, just because uncertainty is an inherent part of any model doesn't mean that economists' suggestions and opinions aren't important. Indeed, as Adams puts it, "if a doctor tells you to eat less and exercise more, that's good advice even if you later get hit by a bus."

So, thanks are in order to Scott Adams for his efforts. His survey results may have faults (for instance, there's no way to tell from the data exactly what the degree of bias is of the economists, or how their choice of profession informs their beliefs), and may not be an accurate prediction of what will if Obama or McCain is elected this November, but his results are interesting, easy to comprehend, and show a remarkable dedication to public service and self-sacrifice. Scott Adams did what many Americans don't do: what he can. Simply because he can do more than others doesn't make his contributions any more or less impressive. They are impressive on their own. So, this week, The Common Man awards his Beacon of Manhood to Scott Adams and, again, thanks him for his efforts and for providing an excellent example to the rest of the country.

Beaconing Hope

Oh man, something has been tearing through The Common Family this week. Fevers have spiked. Coughs have lingered. Fluids have projected. It has not been fun. And so, The Common Man spent a great deal of time nursing The Boy back to health, resting on the couch watching bad movies, and cuddling with The Uncommon Wife (yes, men cuddle) while watching DVDs in bed. While great for family bonding, it has been detrimental to actual productivity, so The Common Man will do his best to make up for lost time. Fortunately, he has lots to talk about.

For instance, in the face of The Common Man's recent shivering spell on the sofa, he's grown more and more impressed with the performance of the Milwaukee Brewers' ace, CC Sabathia. Sabathia, famously acquired by the Brewers in a midseason deal, has been unstoppable thusfar in a Milwaukee uniform. In just 11 starts, he has gone 9-0 with a 1.43 ERA. He's completed more than half his starts and has three shutouts in the process, and has struck out almost a batter an inning while allowing just one runner per inning. In his previous start, he threw a one-hitter against the Pittsburgh Pirates, striking out 11.



Yet, Sabathia's not just notable for his excellence. Indeed, his toughness and durability have caused controversy in recent weeks. Since joining the Brewers, Sabathia has been worked hard by manager Ned Yost, averaging 111.6 pitches per start including a 130 pitch complete game when his team was up by six runs. While this is an indefensible strategy for his manager (especially if Sabathia appears worn down in the postseason), it's a remarkable accomplishment for Sabathia. For the year, he is leading the majors in pitches/start, when the league median is close to 93. That means that, on average, Sabathia is giving his team a full inning more of (an incredibly high level of) production than the typical major league starter.

And this is a risky strategy, both for the Brewers and for Sabathia. Current research indicates, according to a 2004 article by Baseball Prospectus's Rany Jazayerli, "1. While pitching is an inherently unnatural motion, throwing a pitch does not necessarily do permanent damage to a pitcher's arm. It's only when fatigue sets in (and a pitcher's mechanics start to waver) that continued pitching can result in irreversible injury. 2. There is a certain number of pitches that a pitcher can throw before that fatigue sets in. 3. Once a pitcher is fatigued, each additional pitch causes more damage, and results in more additional fatigue, than the pitch before." And so, as Sabathia racks up start after start of high pitch counts, his likelihood of suffering a season ending, or even a catastrophic, arm injury exponentially increases.

There is rampant speculation that the Brewers, realizing that they are unlikely to sign Sabathia after the season (he'll be a free agent) have decided to ignore this risk for this year and run him into the ground. Yost has contradicted this assertion, saying, "I respect him as a player. I respect him as a person. He's got a family. I know how this business works. He has to provide for his family. I would never do anything that would take away from that ability. I just couldn't live with myself." Regardless of whether they are knowingly putting Sabathia's health in jeopardy, the Brewers' strategy seems unwise both for the rest of this season and for their pitcher's future.

For his part, however, Sabathia has acted like a shining beacon of manhood; he has taken the abuse his manager has dished out with no complaint, indeed with eagerness to take the ball and dominate his opposition. With the looming prospect of making $100 million, The Common Man could understand if Sabathia wanted to baby his golden left arm, ensuring his family's prosperity for generations to come. But his continued enthusiasm for taking the ball in the face of risk and his continued excellence singles him out as The Common Man's Weekly Beacon of Manhood (a new feature here). You can bet that CC Sabathia wouldn't lay on the couch and watch The Condemned if he had a game to pitch. Shame on The Common Man.