Thursday, December 4, 2008

The Common Man Givith...

It has never happened before, but in light of recent events, The Common Man is forced to strip the television executives in charge of the Sunny Side Up Show on Sprout TV of their hard-won Beacon of Manhood. It's not that they have done anything wrong necessarily. Kelly is still bubbly and adorable, and the show still entertains The Boy. But someone far more deserving has come to The Common Man's attention, such that he is unable to justify selfishly awarding the Beacon to a bunch of soulless TV execs who cast a hot girl for their morning program.

Who could have the pull to so drastically alter The Common Man's plans? His name is Earl Stafford. If you haven't heard of him before now, that's ok. He's not a famous man. And he hasn't done anything earth-shattering like curing a disease or inventing the flying car. No, his claim to manliness is far more humble. He's just a wonderfully generous man.

According to, Stafford "has spent $1 million to give hundreds of poverty-stricken and terminally ill Americans, along with wounded men and women in uniform, an inauguration experience that would ordinarily run each of them thousands of dollars or more." Stafford's plans for his guests include "high-end hotel rooms and luxury suites, food and drink, a (heated) viewing spot right above the parade route, even gowns and tuxedos to wear to celebratory balls, and a beautician to help [them] get ready for it." He is also prepared to lay out another $600,000 to pay for meals and private balls for those he is bringing to Washington.

Why? Stafford told the Washington Post,
"We wanted to...bless those who otherwise wouldn't have an opportunity to be a part of the great celebration, the inauguration and the festivities. Our objective is to bring in a cross-section of society — those who are distressed, those who are terminally ill, those who are socially and economically disadvantaged, those veterans who are wounded and served our country.... We've gotten away from those core values that made America great. We just need to get back to caring about one another."

Barack Obama's inauguration is "a transition in history, if you will...and everyone should be included."

Look, professional douchebags like Sean Hannity have done a lot to pervert what the phrase "great American," in the last few years, as though what you believe is a far greater criteria than what you do. Stafford, through his generosity, his patriotism, and his good will is the perfect embodiment of what Americanism and masculinity should be. Good job, Earl Stafford. You sir, are a great American as well as a great man. And, if you have a couple extras, could you send a couple tickets The Common Man's way?

1 comment:

BikeMonkey said...

that is straight up proper. wow.