Monday, December 1, 2008

Wake Up Call

Generally, after watching Sesame Street on the PBS offshoot channel Sprout with The Boy on Monday mornings, The Common Man zips over to his local PBS channel to catch another episode, which he and The Boy watch a few minutes of before he loses interest and wants to do something active with his little 2-year old self. Today, however, they accidentally hung around Sprout for a few extra minutes while The Common Man cleaned up breakfast.

And for his tardiness, The Common Man was rewarded with a few minutes with Kelly, one of the human actors who rotate co-hosting duties on the channel's Sunny Side Up Show (with a bird puppet named Chica).
Kelly's disarming, non-threatening cuteness, enthusiastic bubbliness, and little girl pigtails make her the perfect choice to host the show in the morning. Indeed, perfect for the little children who instinctively love adults who talk in a happy voice and smile a lot. And perfect for daddies who missed out on their morning caffeine-fix and needed something else to, um, get them going. Kelly's got the mid-twenties, enthusiastic-about-being-awake-at-8-in-the-morning, I-could-totally-be-your-girlfriend-and-wouldn't-at-all-be-a-hassle-and-would-totally-think-everything-you-said-and-did-was-just-super-and-would-totally-stroke-your-male-ego look down cold.

Now, The Common Man is not foolish enough to think that Kelly's off-camera persona matches her character that smilingly wonders what day of the week it is and reads off birthdays with a foam-rubber bird who speaks in squeaks. But reality need not enter the equation at 8 in the morning, staving off the squeaky-silliness of Elmo. The Common Man's mini-crush on the comely co-host makes the morning routine just a little more entertaining for The Common Man, and makes the happy-happy-joy-joy of children's TV a lot more bearable, helping him to be an enthused and exciting playmate for The Boy for the rest of the morning.

So this week's Beacon of Manhood goes to whoever hired the lovely Kelly to brighten The Common Man's morning. The Common Man salutes your foresight and understanding of the male psyche. Now, The Common Man demands that you get rid of the neutered male co-hosts who take the other two-thirds of the mornings away from Kelly, and disappoint all the dads (and non-traditional moms) out there who are so looking forward to some bouncy, happy pigtails. Instead, they see this:



Ugh. Buzz-kill.

7 comments:

The Uncommon (but apparently too comely) Wife said...

And perfect for daddies who missed out on their morning caffeine-fix and needed something else to, um, get them going. Kelly's got the mid-twenties, enthusiastic-about-being-awake-at-8-in-the-morning, I-could-totally-be-your-girlfriend-and-wouldn't-at-all-be-a-hassle-and-would-totally-think-everything-you-said-and-did-was-just-super-and-would-totally-stroke-your-male-ego look down cold.

Um, what the heck does this mean?

BillP said...

Are you being sexist and assuming that Kelly's superiors/hirors are all men, or are women eligible for Beacons of Manhood (and should they want one)?

The Common Man said...

@ The Uncommon Wife

The Common Man is talking about the kind of girl who, being so wrapped up in the idea of the person she is with, would never admonish that person for being overly-dramatic or stupid, who would never call "bullshit." Ultimately, though, that kind of relationship is boring and unfulfilling. Not nearly as wonderful as The Common Man's marriage.

@ Bill

Souless television executives come in all flavors, and so The Common Man was making no assumptions about those who hired young Kelly. As he previously established, women are entirely eligible for The Beacon. if they shine a warm light into the cold, stark world of manliness. As for whether they should want one, perhaps that depends on the woman and on her reason for finding herself in The Common Man's purview.

BikeMonkey said...

My Uncommonly brave friend, you do realize that people in professional children's entertainment are just plain starkers, don't you?

The Common Man said...

Starkers as in nuts? It matters not, Bikemonkey. She can be as nuts as she wants to be in real life, where The Common Man is sure never to violate the undoubtedly pending restraining order. He has no real interest in meeting her anyway, as that would ruin everything and only serve as further material for The Boy to explore in the extensive psychotherapy sessions he will eventually need.

BikeMonkey said...

could be expensive, word. but really, stay away from those people. raving mad. complete starkers. see that original blues clue guy? prototype. messed. up.

Pooky said...

@ Bikemonkey - Steve Burns actually turned out really well - He left Blue's Clues because he didn't want to go bald on a children's TV show. He has a band, and his first album was co-produced with The Flaming Lips - Steve Burns and the Struggle. Check it out!