Funny Business

Every day from here to there,
funny things are everywhere.
--Dr. Seuss

Manny Ramirez exited, stage left (pursued by a bear?), last week, banished for 50 games for testing positive for a banned substance. Naturally, the next day A-Rod makes his 2009 debut and hits the first pitch he sees for a three-run homerun. A-Rod, at this point, is a complete cartoon character and is seen as the ultimate villain in major league baseball today. If he could grow a mustache to twirl, he'd be perfect.

At the same time, given that he is almost universally reviled in the media right now, perhaps that can take some of the pressure off of what must be a simultaneously wonderful and horrifying life. Without worrying about pleasing everybody (because he seemingly can't please anybody), maybe A-Rod finally finds some peace. Sweet, oblivious peace.

Not that it should really matter to the Yankees, mind you. Last year, Rodriguez went through a nasty divorce and ugly tabloid rumors, and still had his best overall season since 2000.

Speaking of steroids and obliviousness, enjoy this clip of John Kruk saying that Manny Ramirez should be kicked off the Dodgers (Krukie goes off about a minute in). Meanwhile, has John Kruk ever addressed the rampant steroid use that was apparently a bedrock of his 1993 Phillies?


Meanwhile, Ramirez's replacement, Juan Pierre, has been making the most of his newfound playing time. Pierre has been a huge disappointment for the Dodgers since signing with them in 2007, and a feather in the cap of bloggers and pundits who chuckled and chided the Dodgers when they saw the 5 year, $45 million price tag he came with. But in the four games since Manny's departure, Pierre has gone 9-for-16, with a couple walks, a couple doubles, a couple stolen bases (though also a couple caught stealing), four runs scored, and four RBI. Yesterday, he scored or drove in 4 of Los Angeles' 5 runs in a 7-5 extra-inning loss to the Giants.

Pierre's hot streak comes at exactly the right time for him and the Dodgers. If Pierre can prove capable over the next fifty games, he and the Dodgers might just be able to sucker a contender with deep pockets to give up something of value for Pierre, especially if they view him as an option in centerfield. The White Sox and Yankees have already demonstrated unhappiness with their CF situation, and Pierre seems like just the kind of mistake they might make, if they're desperate in July.

As hot as Pierre's been, however, Zack Greinke's been hotter. Greinke lost his first game of the year on Saturday, proving that he is human. Indeed, all you have to do to beat Zack Greinke is hold the Royals to zero runs. Then, when he goes eight innings (for his 4th complete game), and gives up a single run (raising his ERA from 0.40 to 0.51), you can still hold your head high, after he retires 21 of the final 23 guys you send up against him. Yikes.


Also, Joe Saunders (who pitched the shutout that beat Greinke), you're pretty awesome with your 5-1 record and 2.66 ERA.

Finally, The Common Man has kept his pinko, leftist politics out of his blog for a while now, after discovering that far more readers were interested in baseball than in the other eclectic collection of topics The Common Man bounced within. So please indulge him for a moment as he expresses some admiration for this country's new President. Barack Obama, is there nothing he can't do?:

Rose Rant

First of all, The Common Man begs your forgiveness for not posting in the last couple of days. When the weather broke on Saturday, The Common Man was able to get out of town with The Boy and return to the homeland. As a cold forced The Uncommon Wife to stay behind, and the grandparents are less inclined to ditch their walkers and chase a small child (though they really enjoy watching him run, and run, and run). So, The Common Man was on constant kid duty that wasn't alleviated at night or at naptime, as The Common Man was forced to keep close watch over The Boy so that he would stay in bed at night, and "encouraged" to go through his old room and clean out stuff during the day. Anyway, just know that his absence hurt The Common Man as much as it hurt you.

The Common Man was all set to start fresh in the morning, but since it's morning now, he might as well get a jump on things, since he's back home and all now. And look, here's a comment waiting for him from friend of the blog, BikeMonkey, who wonders what The Common Man thinks of Pete Rose being critical of A-Rod. For those who are unfamiliar, every time there is a sordid story in baseball, some reporter digs up Pete Rose's phone number, gets him to crawl out from under his rock and asks the disgraced hit-king who gambled on baseball even though the only unforgivable rule in baseball is that you don't bet on baseball what he has to say. Rose, in responding to A-Rod's press conference, told MLB.com that he doesn't believe A-Rod's explanation that he felt pressured and that he didn't know what substances he was taking. Also, MLB's Ed Eagle reports, "he's upset by what he perceives as a double-standard between himself and those who have used performance-enhancing drugs."

First, here's The Common Man's reaction to anything Pete Rose says: The Common Man does not care. Not in the least. Not one iota. The Common Man acknowledges that Pete Rose was a great player who always gave everything he had to the game he was playing. But by all accounts, Rose is a scumbag who lied for decades about gambling on baseball, and only 'fessed up when he thought a) baseball might let him back in and b) he could make a few million from a book deal.

Anything Rose has said in the past or will say in the future serves only to glorify Pete Rose. For instance, when he disputes A-Rod's claim that he felt enormous pressue to justify the $252 million contract he signed with the Rangers, Rose points out, "When I became a Philadelphia Phillie for the '79 season, I signed a contract that made me the highest paid player in any team sport. I didn't go to Philly with the pressure to hit .360 or .370. The only pressure you have is an obligation to the fans to play hard and bust your chops." First, there is no available salary data from Baseballreference.com to support Rose's claim that he was the highest paid athlete in any sport, but The Common Man will assume that this one fact from a serial liar is true. The rest of the statement simply serves to remind the people of how wonderful Rose believes he is, how he gave his all and bustedhis chops, and positions Rose as the central representative of a time when baseball was better, purer, than it is now. What Rose doesn't mention, of course, is baseball's growing drug problem and the rampant use of amphetamines. Also, he doesn't mention the different media climate today and the vast difference between the few hundred-thousand he probably made and the $25.2 million A-Rod made. Indeed, it's Rose's selective memory and constant self-promotion that make him so unreliable, and so uninteresting, to The Common Man. Because he's so transparent and shameless, The Common Man always knows exactly what card The Hit King is going to play.

For instance, this double standard he talks about. Rose argues, "I got caught, and I made a terrible mistake. Guys that are caught [using performance enhancing drugs], nothing happens to them [In terms of punishment by the game unless they did so after 2003]." But here's the big difference, the first rule every player learns about, the rule that is posted in every major league clubhouse, and the rule that has always carried with it baseball's version of the death penalty is the rule that Rose knowlingly, shamelessly, and repeatedly broke. Meanwhile, prior to 2003, there were no consequences for testing positive for steroids, and no testing procedures to catch them. Steroids were tacitly approved by baseball, and were considered a minor offense, whereas gambling on the game has been the worst crime a player could commit since 1919. But Rose knows it's in his best interest to conflate his offenses with those of Bonds, A-Rod, Clemens, Palmeiro, and McGwire, because if they can be forgiven then he can too (which is why he argues they should be elected to the Hall of Fame as well).

Rose isn't necessarily a broken record. But he's that band that keeps putting out one song after another that sounds almost alike. He's Nickelback or Daughtry. And rather than listen to another crappy rock song, The Common Man mentally changes the channel when Rose starts talking. The A-Rod scandal is seedy enough without Rose and his Dorothy Hamill hair crawling out from his rock to piss in baseball's Cheerios further. That's what The Common Man thinks.

Damn It A-Rod:

Every time The Common Man tries to get out, they keep pulling him back in. A quick comment here: A-Rod is finally showing some good judgment in confessing to ESPN's Peter Gammons. At this point, there's nothing that he can do (you know, short of murdering Derek Jeter) to hurt his reputation further with baseball fans in general, and Yankee fans in particular. Getting all the details out and owning up to his decisions is the only reasonable way out of the hole he's in. At this point, he has to atone for his sins and work his way back into the public's good graces, and he's choosing to do that immediately and directly, rather than (as The Common Man's friend Bill points out) waffling about trying it once and not liking it (Hi, Andy Pettite!) or simply not commenting further. He opens himself up now to the possibility of becoming a spokesperson against PEDs, by confessing to his mistake, talking about the drugs' effects on his body and mind, and discussing his shame. And $25 million a year does a lot to assuage feelings of guilt and shame (The Common Man assumes; he's never had the good fortune to know first-hand). Today, for whatever reason, A-Rod's acting like a man. Good for him.

Now The Common Man is going to disconnect his internet connection with a sledgehammer, so that he won't have to listen to this any more.

Real Bad People

Today, Harvey Araton, in the venerable New York Times, writes,

"Nine more years. Nine long, bold-headlined years. That is how much longer the Yankees are contractually obligated to put up with always-something Alex Rodriguez. With his celebrity distractions, his need to be noticed, his clubhouse-integration issues, his Derek Jeter envy and, yes, his prime-time failures.... As much as anyone, he is a product of a decade in which the sport took a pharmaceutical path that, for too many reputations, has become the road to ruin." (h/t to Shysterball)

Another article in the Old Gray Lady, this one by Tyler Kepner, quotes an anonymous Yankee official, saying “'His legacy, now, is gone.... He’ll just play it out. Now he’s a worker. Do your job, collect your paycheck and when you’re finished playing, go away. That’s what it is.'”

The Palm Beach Post writes about father and A-Rod superfan Jose Mercado, who

"found himself driving to Dolphin Stadium struggling to explain to his two sons what they'd just heard on the radio - A-Rod allegedly used steroids. 'You see the look on their faces and it's disappointment,' Mercado said. 'I thought A-Rod was one of the good guys, one of the guys who never took anything. If the allegations are true, certainly it's heartbreaking.'"

Settle down, America. The Common Man understands that the news is somewhat shocking and that A-Rod is no one's idea of a good guy this morning. If these allegations are true, A-Rod is a cheater and a liar, like many other cheaters and liars before him (John McGraw, Ty Cobb, Whitey Ford, Gaylord Perry, Barry Bonds, and Rafael Palmeiro to name a few). But, please, keep some perspective. As a public service, The Common Man offers five people in the news today who are much more deserving of your revulsion and your attention than A-Rod.

5) Rush Limbaugh--The Common Man doesn't mind conservatives. He disagrees with them most of the time, but recognizes their inherent goodness, their desire to see America strong, and how respectful they are of opposing viewpoints. Rush Limbaugh is none of these things. He has consistently and willfully put his own interests ahead of the country, culminating in his recent announcement that he hopes Barack Obama fails to get the country out of its current economic crisis and its wars in the Middle East. He's made fun of Michael J. Fox for the side-effects of his Parkinson's Disease. He's suggested that black quarterbacks have an easier time than white quarterbacks because liberals in sports (what???) want black quarterbacks to succeed. He called soldiers who disagree with the Iraq War "phony soldiers." He's on record saying that feminism was invented "to allow unattractive women access to the mainstream." And that's not even mentioning his addiction to prescription painkillers, something that links him more closely to Alex Rodriguez than the famous fat man would probably like to admit.

And this man, according to today's Los Angeles Times, is again becoming the face and voice of the Republican Party, "While the GOP's star has fallen, Limbaugh's has soared. As party leaders struggle to find their voice, Limbaugh's baritone booms loud and clear three hours a day, five days a week on 600 radio stations across America. If a $400-million contract and the title of most influential talk radio personality -- as voted by industry pros -- aren't sufficient proof, consider President Obama's decision to pick a fight with him three days into his presidency." While Obama's decision to take on Limbaugh was a brilliant ploy to make the conservative more relevant and a larger face in the party (where he'll presumably turn off independents and moderates), the response from Rep. Phil Gingrey is more telling of Limbaugh's influence. When he had the temerity to suggest “It’s easy if you’re Sean Hannity or Rush Limbaugh or even sometimes Newt Gingrich to stand back and throw bricks. You don’t have to try to do what’s best for your people and your party. You know you’re just on these talk shows and you’re living well and plus you stir up a bit of controversy and gin the base and that sort of that thing," he was forced to apologize all over the airwaves by angry conservatives who flooded his phone and in-box.

4) Whoever makes the decisions at Peanut Corporation of America--You'd think it would be difficult to screw up peanuts. After all, they come with their own protective coating. Yet, Peanut Corp. has done so royally. The salmonella outbreak linked back to the Georgia Company has made more than 500 people sick, and killed eight. But according to an FDA report obtained by CNN, "In some situations the firm received a positive salmonella test result, followed by a later negative result, and then shipped the products. In some other situations, the firm shipped the products [which had already tested positive] before it had received the [second] positive test results." Oops. To paraphrase a classic Kids In the Hall sketch, "Sorry we caused all that salmonella."

3) Anonymous Somali recruiter in the Twin Cities--According to several media reports, the most recent in today's Minneapolis Star Tribune, young Somali men are disappearing around the Twin Cities Metro Area. They are returning, it seems, to Somalia, recruited to fight in the ongoing civil war for local Muslim militias. According to the Minneapolis paper, "The FBI, which is investigating an alleged link between some in the Twin Cities and violence in Somalia, won't comment on how many Somali teenagers or young men have left to fight or possibly receive terrorist training. But several sources within the community say they believe Mustafa is one of seven to nine Somalis who have gone back since August." At least one of these men has been used as a suicide bomber. Many of the young men reportedly have had "religious awakenings" and have been heavily involved in Minneapolis mosques. The brother of one boy told the paper, "I'm 100 percent sure that there are people in there who have influenced him and those people are claiming to be sheiks." So, it would seem that someone in Minnesota, closely affiliated with radical-Islamic militias in Somalia, is recruiting Somali teens, providing them with passports, and sending them back to Mogadishu to fight and die. It's insidious and frightening.

2) Gene Orza--Normally, The Common Man would include SI scribe Jon Heyman in the list of people worse than A-Rod (since he proudly voted for Jim Rice, Jack Morris, and Andre Dawson, and proudly didn't vote for Tim Raines and Bert Blyleven), but today, The Common Man reserves his scorn for the subject of Heyman's article. Orza, the other big player in yesterday's news, was guilty of tipping players off ahead of time that they would be tested. And according to Heyman, Orza is also ultimately responsible for the leaked results, as he stubbornly refused to destroy the list of positive test results. Heyman reports:

"That list would have been long gone if not for the union, several baseball people say. Players union COO Gene Orza worked long and hard to try to pare down the list. Orza's mission, according to baseball people, was to find enough false positives on the list to drive the number of failures so far down that real testing wouldn't be needed in 2004 or ever.

Orza wanted to get the list down below the five percent threshold for testing to go away entirely. But try as he might, he could not drive it down quite that far. After months of trying, Orza couldn't do it, and baseball announced that a curiously amorphous 5-7 percent of players failed the 2003 survey test, enough to ramp up the testing in 2004, much to the union's dismay.

According to multiple baseball sources, Orza spent way too much time studying the results in hopes of lowering the number. And while Orza was playing with the paperwork, BALCO struck, foiling his grand scheme."

If this is true, Orza is guilty of a number of offenses. Most importantly, he purposely and willfully attempted to hide evidence of baseball's steroid problem. And in doing so, he ultimately caused the scandal that broke yesterday. Good for you, Gene. Hope your resume is up to date.

1) Bishop Richard Williamson--How bad was Orza's mistake? To top him, you have to be a Holocaust denier. Williamson was initially excommunicated from the Catholic church by Pope John Paul II in 1988. And given how awesome and cute JPII was, you know that Williamson was a bad egg. A member of an ultra-conservative wing of the church, Williamson was reconciled with the church by Pope Benedict a month ago. Yet, just a month before, Williamson told Swedish television, "I believe that the historical evidence is strongly against -- is hugely against -- 6 million Jews having been deliberately gassed in gas chambers as a deliberate policy of Adolf Hitler. I believe there were no gas chambers." While the Pope has ordered Williamson to distance himself from the comments, he has refused. German bishops have banded together to call for Williamson's re-excommunication. According to Archbishop Robert Zollitsch, the chairman of the German Bishops' Conference, "Mr. Williamson is impossible and irresponsible. I now see no room for him in the Catholic church."

Apparently, the Pope's vetting process is not as stringent as the process to become undersecretary of labor here in the U.S. Still, while The Common Man wants to fault the Holy Father, and urges him to be swift and decisive in his condemnation of Williamson, the ultimate fault here lies with Williamson. A despicable man with despicable beliefs who cannot effectively preach a message of love, peace, and tolerance while holding such extreme, wrong-headed, and inflammatory views.

So, America...priorities. Vent your spleen in some other direction, if you don't mind. Because when you all get outraged and angry and come around The Common Man's neighborhood hyperbolizing and saying things that don't make sense, it makes him cranky. Focus, people!

Breaking Down Breaking News

The Common Man woke up this morning with The Boy in his bed, kicking him in the head. The Boy was ready to get up, and wanted his father with him. So together they walked downstairs, had some breakfast, and turned on the TV. As they sat enjoying the MLB Network showing David Cone's 19-strikeout gem from 1991 (The Boy likes baseball, and keeps yelling "run, run, run!"), MLB came through with the first scoop of its short life.

Alex Rodriguez, the most complete and talented player in the game today, tested positive for steroids in 2003. The Common Man fired off an email to Shysterball as quick as he could, but hasn't really had time to unpack what this means for the game and for Alex Rodriguez until now.

--The original test in 2003 was supposed to be anonymous, an effort to determine just how many players were on the juice and whether further action by the league and the union was required. Obviously, it was. But it's somewhat disconcerting that the results that were supposed to be anonymous (and probably should have been destroyed in the aftermath of the testing) have been used to name names. Since there are apparently 103 other names that are connected to these positive tests, The Common Man agrees strongly with Shysterball, who argues that "Given that it is now inevitable that all of the names who tested positive in 2003 will come out, maybe it's in the union's best interest to release every name now rather than deal with the drip, drip, dripping of names over time."

At this point, the players (and the league) should be trying to minimize the damage of the positive tests. The longer this story keeps generating new information, the longer it will remain in the public consciousness. With Opening Day approaching and a bevy of storylines waiting to be exploited, there will be ample opportunity for baseball fans to get distracted. Also, by taking control over the release of the names, the players and the players' association can control the story to a degree, putting a more positive spin on their decision and shift the focus from the tests themselves to the union's responsible decision to clear the air.

Whether or not this is feasible is debatable. With an expectation of privacy, the players who tested positive may not be willing to have their names released, hoping that journalists will stop looking or they'll miraculously escape detection. And they may have legal recourse (honestly, The Common Man doesn't know) if their names are released without their consent. The union's statement today that "information and documents relating to the results of the 2003 MLB testing program are both confidential and under seal by court orders. We are prohibited from confirming or denying any allegation about the test results of any particular player(s) by the collective bargaining agreement and by court orders" would seem to suggest that releasing the names could prove difficult and complicated at best.

--Allegations that Gene Orza, the union's Chief Operating Officer, tipped off players about upcoming drug tests, are potentially more serious to the game's integrity than A-Rod's positive test. A-Rod tested positive before there were penalties in place for the cheating and represent a single player's bad actions. Orza's alleged behavior compromises the entire Players' Association and undermines its credibility tremendously. At this point, it's unclear how effective Orza's warnings were in minimizing positive tests, but it suggests that a) the union had knowledge of specific players who were using and b) was actively working against efforts to clean up the game. It would seem to be a violation of the collective bargaining agreement, and destroys Orza's personal reputation with league ownership.

--Jason at It Is About the Money, Stupid, writes that A-Rod "can kiss his HOF wishes goodbye." Later, in the comments, he writes, "maybe I jumped to that 'no HOF' stance too quickly, but in seeing the response that Bonds, Clemens, McGwire, Palmiero, Sosa, et al are getting with respect to the HOF, I wonder how ARod will stand above it all." If these allegations against A-Rod are true, Jason is right that he'll get thrown in with Bonds, Clemens, McGwire, Palmeiro, and Sosa (though, technically, Sosa's name has never been connected with any steroid allegations). But it's not at all clear what the BBWAA's response to these players will be. While McGwire has thusfar been shut out of the Hall, and Palmeiro is unlikely to gain induction any time soon, it's hard for The Common Man to imagine Bonds and Clemens on the outside looking in. And if there is an inconsistency in the BBWAA's voting with these players, The Common Man would argue that A-Rod (with his phenominal talent, his position on the field, and his ridiculous numbers) is far more likely to be in the Bonds/Clemens group than the McGwire/Palmeiro.

It's also worth remembering that Alex Rodriguez still has nine years remaining on his Yankees contract, and five years after he retires before he becomes eligible. There is no way to predict a) how the rest of his career will progress, and how his image will change in the public eye (he certainly has plenty of time to atone); b) how the public and media's perception of the steroid era and PEDs will change in 14 years; and c) how the voting pool of the BBWAA will change in that time.

--One interesting, and underdiscussed, aspect of this story was that, while it was broken by Sports Illustrated, SI has been linked closely with the MLB Network through the on-air presence of writers Tom Verducci and Jon Heyman. As a result, MLB Network, wholly owned and operated by Major League Baseball, was ostensibly breaking a devastating story this morning about its chief rival (the Players' Association) and its most prolific player. Whether or not there is a conflict of interest there, The Common Man doesn't know.

What interest does Major League Baseball have in this story, and were they at all responsible for alerting Selena Roberts, the SI reporter who wrote the story and who was interviewed on the network by Bob Costas today, to the existence of the test results? The Common Man isn't much for conspiracy theories, but the cozy relationship here and the obvious way in which this disparages the union and Gene Orza in particular makes The Common Man wonder. Also, and The Common Man is sure the league's lawyers have delved into this question, does the league and its subsidieries have a legal obligation to not release a story in which a specific player is outed as testing positive, especially in light of their agreement with the Players' Association and the existing court order to keep the results confidential?