Friday, October 31, 2008


The Common Man wishes you, one and all, a happy and safe Halloween. The Common Man has certainly had one. Trick or treaters have come and gone, wiping The Common Man's stash out and leaving him with a serious sugar craving and hard up for that sweet, sweet candy.

But there is a tempting option. The Common Man and The Uncommon Wife took The Boy out for his first trick-or-treating experience this year, going to the various houses around the neighborhood where he has friends. Even at 2 years old, The Boy was very carefull to say "tick-a-teet," "tank yoooo," and "Happaween" at each door as he collected his goodies. When they were finished, The Common Man and his brood returned home with a half-filled bag of chocolate-covered, sugary goodness. If The Common Man were so inclined, he could sneak up to the bag, lift out a Snickers or Twix (oh, God, the Twix!) and no one (especially not The Boy, who is sweetly tucked into bed with his froggy, baby, bear in a baseball uniform, and robotic talking bear and who will remember nothing from this night as he grows older) will be the wiser.

But, as a matter of principle, The Common Man cannot bring himself to stoop that low. After all, Halloween is a kids' holiday, and those houses gave up the goods in the expectation that it would go to an adorable two-year old in an Elmo costume, not his 30-year old, sugar-jonesing dad. The only candy in there acceptable for The Common Man to get at at this point is his package of Hot Tamales (which he won't like), but The Uncommon Wife has already claimed them. So, here he is. The Common Man. Curled on the couch in the Mancave (Mantuary), in the dark, typing away the shakes. Oh, God, if only he had a Twix!

Anyway, this craving will pass, either because The Common Man generates some freaking will power out of thin air or he passes out entirely from low blood-sugar. He's hoping for the former but will settle for the latter. And in the meantime, he'll think about his adorable son knocking on the doors of neighbors, trying hard to keep the head of the Elmo suit out of his eyes, and being ever so polite. Sure, holidays are fun for the kids. But when they're young enough, it's even more fun for the parents. Even a shallow kid-centric one like Halloween.

Anyway, Happaween everybody!

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