A Clown to the Left of Me, A Joker to the Right...

Will someone please tell Joe the Plumber to shut up? Good gravy, Chris Crocker hasn't gotten this much undeserved media attention. What did the man do? He asked Barack Obama a question on the street. Obama deftly and patiently explained how his middle-income tax credit would save Joe money. John McCain uses Joe as an example in one of the debates, and Joe, smelling his chance at the brass ring, embraces the opportunity by saying he didn't trust Obama's answer and going on the campaign trail for John McCain.



On the trail, Joe paid back the McCain camplaign by agreeing that "a vote for Obama is a vote for the death of Israel" and by not showing up at campaign events at which he was scheduled to appear (which led to this wonderful video). Since doing nothing to help his candidate win, Joe has been linked to a book deal and a potential Congressional bid. And this week, Joe has again decided to show off just how much of a boob he can be, telling douchebag Glen Beck,

"When I was on the bus with [John McCain], I asked him a lot of questions about the bailout because most Americans didn’t want it to happen - yet he voted for it. At the same time he’s talking about making someone famous if they even think about putting pork in the bill. We all know how much pork was in the $700 billion bailout package. Why did he vote for it? I asked him pretty direct questions, and some of the answers you guys are going to receive … they appalled me. I was angry. I wanted to get off the bus after I talked to him.”

Joe's welcome to his opinion, of course, but The Common Man simply does not understand why anyone cares. This man has done nothing but demonstrate his lack of restraint and his ignorance since coming into promenence. How he could have any newsworthy truths to reveal about the political process or about life in general frankly baffles The Common Man. Who really cares what this fool thinks about John McCain, Sarah Palin, the bailout, gay marriage, or any one of a hundred issues for which he is unqualified to comment intelligently? As the recent election demonstrated, Joe is not exactly a bellweather for determining how the American people are thinking.

Does returning Joe to his normal plumber's life really do much to change the world today? Would it make this country's future any better? Maybe not. But maybe it's wrong to intimate that Joe speaks for "regular" Americans (whatever that means), whether you are lionizing those Americans or making fun of them. For that lends credence to what he is saying, and only does an injustice to lower-middle to middle class Americans who are struggling through today's economic crisis. It reduces them to a cliche, a caricature, and a punchline. And, of course, shutting Joe up would just make The Common Man feel better.

Of course, the problems associated with Joe the Plumber are nothing compared to the apalling scandal out of Illinois, where Gov. Blagojevich has been indicted on several charges stemming from egregious acts of political corruption, including trying to sell Barack Obama's former Senate seat. Now this is a man who has truly done something that should make him famous. The name Blagojevich should echo through the halls of government as an example to those who would sell out their constituents. It won't, of course; politicians are notoriously confident in their own abilities to cover up their wrong-doing, and no one wants to remember a name like Blagojevich anyway. Within a year, he will be Governor What's-his-face or Prisoner 9938493.

There's nothing more to say, really, about Blagojevich that hasn't been said by comedians, pundits, and the larger media. The man is a scumbag who has dishonored himself, his family, and his state. He leaves behind a stained office and a significant obstacle for future governors to overcome, namely the distrust the public has for its elected official. It's remarkable that, today, so beloved a national figure rose in the same political system that spawned the likes of Blagojevich and his cronies. One wonders how Obama escaped relatively unscathed.

Election Night Liveblog

The Common Man is going to kick this thing off a little earlier than he thought last night. The Boy and The Uncommon Wife are off at swimming lessons, and The Common Man is nuking some leftover French Onion soup to ease an aching throat. The Common Man plans to switch between networks throughout the night and to update his blog every 15 minutes or so. He hopes to hear from you as the night goes on (and on and on), if you're so inclined. All times are central.

6:00 Good God, look at that panel on CNN. It's like watching an rerun of Family Feud.

6:02 The nation breathes a sigh of relief as Vermont and Kentucky fall to the Obama and McCain camps respectively. So far, all is right with the world.

6:03 With 0% of the precincts reporting, CNN calls the Virginia Senate race for Democrat Mark Warner. How does that work exactly, The Common Man wonders? How big are the crystal balls needed to make that call?

6:06 At this point, it's a good time for The Common Man to tell you all that he voted today at around noon. Unfortunately, he accidentally did so with his fly open. Perhaps The Common Man is, indeed, one of those sad few he discussed yesterday who should be discouraged from voting. Don't even make The Common Man tell you how he completed the arrow.

6:12 Oh God, oh God, oh God. McCain is ahead of Obama in Virginia. Oh, wait. That's ok, it's only MSNBC. By the way, if CNN is right, and Warner has won Virginia, there's no way Obama lost. And if Obama wins Virginia, The Common Man has a hard time believing he can lose the election.

6:14 Hi Keith Olbermann! Doesn't the mediocrity just drips off him. And he's interviewing Mayor Wilder of somewhere in Virginia, who just called his state "microcosmic," which clearly makes it the most awesome state ever. The Common Man wants to be any kind of cosmic. Micro or macro. Inner or intra. It doesn't matter. It sounds great!

6:23 CNN is showing footage of the crowd running in to watch Obama's potential victory speech. It would be like Woodstock or Lollapalooza except for all the union members plodding along.

6:25 CNN: Doing the Math For You!

6:29 John King has a very indepth and impressive analysis of Indiana, comparing the results reported so far to those of John Kerry in '04. The upshot: good news for Barack Obama.

6:34 The Common Man loves it when everyone talks at once and nothing is discernable. That's good tv. Thank, CNN!

6:35 AHHHH! James Carville. Look away! Look away!

6:37 Good question, did Democrats just shift their votes to vote earlier. The Common Man's gut says no (and as Stephen Colbert always says, you should go with your guy), that the early voting allowed many of those who wouldn't normally have the chance to vote to get their voices heard. But The Common Man has nothing to back that up.

6:40 If it's "still early" and the numbers that CNN projects essentially don't mean anything, why do they post them? The Common Man knows the answer, of course, they have to show something. But given the potential for those numbers to mislead other voters in other time zones, why not find other interesting, less horse-racey things to talk about during the early coverage? The fewer numbers the better, The Common Man thinks. Less to keep track of.

6:47 See? Stories like that. CBS has a camera crew outside of Martin Luther King's church in Geogia, where supporters of Barack Obama are gathering and hoping to celebrate. And many of them remember segregation. There's a story!

6:50 CBS seems to be very aggressive in allocating its electoral votes. At this point, while CNN has McCain up 8-3, CBS has him up 21-3, though The Common Man hasn't seen what states CBS has called.

6:52 CBS has given West Virginia to McCain, in addition to Kentucky. ABC is calling South Carolina for McCain.

6:56 CNN says South Carolina is McCain's as well, despite Obama being up in the vote count (again, The Common Man doesn't get that). That's 16. The Common Man approves of CNN's measured pace. Ah, guy at the far end of the desk of CNN Pundits Playing the Feud explains that it's all the exit polls.

7:00 Anti-climatic deluge: Obama takes Massachusettes, New Jersey, Connecticut, Maryland, Delaware, D.C., and Illinois, and 3 of Maine's electoral votes. McCain takes Oklahoma and Tennessee. Again, no surprises. The count is now Obama 77, McCain 34. The magic number is 270.

7:03 He doesn't care what you say, The Common Man knows that Soledad O'Brien has no human emotions. A robot? You said it, not The Common Man. At least some kind of Latina/Irish Cyborg.

7:05 John King talks up CNN measured approach. The Common Man approves, but wishes they weren't such dicks about it.

7:10 Now, however, John King (mostly) effectively demonstrates that John McCain seems to be underperforming President Bush's performance in 2004.

7:12 A half million to a million celebrating Obama supporters in Chicago? Quick, pot dealers, get to Chicago stat!

7:15 The Common Man thinks now is a good time to pop open his first beer of the night. In honor of the two campaigns and the occasion, The Common Man is is drinking Lagunitas Imperial Red Ale (because Barack Obama is a crazy-ass pinko socialist, as Sean Hannity told him), out of Petaluma, California, and Rogue Chipotle (for Sarah Palin's recent mavericky decision to "go rogue." And if those run out? Maybe margheritas to highlight America's "problem" with "illegals" (damn Candadians!). First, the Commy! The Common Man will let you know how that goes.

7:20 The Common Man's first trip over to Fox News is largely non-eventful. That's disappointing. He wants to watch Hannity's head explode (even though a Democratic government is going to give him golden material for the next 2-4 years.

7:22 Neither CNN nor Fox is calling Pennsylvania yet. Good for them. And The Common Man can't believe he's writing that.

7:23 Whew! That commy beer is harsh. Very strong hops overwhelms almost everything. The Common Man enjoys it, but just doesn't quite have a handle on it. Maybe he shouldn't be drinking from the bottle.

7:26 Jeanne Shaheane takes New Hampshire's open senate seat, according to Fox News. That's good news for Obama too (and for Democrats, as that's a pickup for them).

7:27 The local Fox station finally has their election coverage up and running. Apparently The Simpsons and Two-and-a-Half Men were just too good to bump between the 6:00 and 7:00 hours.

7:29 Oops, The Uncommon Wife and The Boy are home from swimming. The Common Man will be back in 5.

8:11 Or, in 42. Somebody needed dinner (The Boy) and somebody nearly burned down the house making French Toast (The Common Man). Since The Common Man's been gone, CBS has called Pennsylvania for Obama, which is a huge nail in McCain's coffin. He has to win Virginia, Florida, and Ohio now. At this point, it's Obama 174, McCain 100.

8:15 On NBC, Giuliani believes that tomorrow the country will unite whoever wins because they will all be Americans first (The Common Man thought Republicans had already put country first). If that happens, The Common Man will be pleasantly surprised, but he refuses to hold his breath. The dissention will be just as loud and rancorous.

8:26 ABC has called Ohio for Obama. PBS has not. If Ohio goes blue, McCain is dead man walking until California reports.

8:31 NBC reports New Mexico for Obama. But believes that Cochrane in Mississippi and McConnell in Kentucky have won, dealing a strong blow to Dems chances of picking up their 60th senate seat.

8:34 Ooh, NBC hasa Minority Report wall. Far cooler than CNN's Star Wars wall.

8:36 Oh, that's unfortunate. Did Brian Williams just make a reference to the Confederacy and Virginia as a symbol? Not that the legacy of slavery isn't all around us, but it's hard to equate Virginia of 2008 to Virginia of 1863 with a straight face.

8:43 The Boy's going to bed. The Common Man needs to spring into action. Back in a jiff.

9:10 OK, The Common Man is back. The Boy is in bed. Is this thing over yet?

9:13 Luke Russert has the same doughy likeability as his father. Though, c'mon, young Russert just makes The Common Man sad and miss his father, given his mispronunciations and lack of charisma.

9:17 Congressman John Lewis, Civil Rights Movement veteran, Freedom Rider, and honored American, is currently on ABC. While not the most fiery and inspirational a speaker, his history speaks louder than his voice. One of very few Americans who can talk with relevant, first-hand accounts of Dr. King and Lyndon Johnson. Lewis calls this a "nonviolent revolution". A revolution implies a fundamental reordering of the way a society functions. Gosh, that'd be nice. This is an opportunity for that kind of changing of the national priority. It will be a shame if America misses this opportunity.

9:23 A rhino holding a laser, shoots a golden helmet onto Obama's head to announce he won Rhode Island. Oh, The Common Man is watching Comedy Central. Better graphics. Also, dynamic and hilarious talent like Steve Forbes.

9:27 Ooh, Sam Donaldson is still alive. Who knew?

9:28 Oh, that was sad, as Donaldson fumbles the send to commercial.

9:35 Random dude: I don't have to be a racist to be a Republican. I'm having dinner with an Iranian, a Syrian, and an Indian. John Oliver: Because you're keeping an eye on them.

9:39 Opening up the Rogue Chipotle Ale. The Red Ale was refreshing, but not flavorful. Extremely hoppy and surprisingly bitter, given how well the evening is going for Barack Obama.

9:43 Wow, that's a spicy meat-a-ball. Crisp and clean, the Chipotle Ale seems somewhat sweet but nondescript until it reaches the back of your throat. There, it explodes with a spiciness that belies its beverage-i-ness. And that spiciness lingers as slight tingle. While it won't have you running for a flower vase to find water (particularly because the spiciness bypasses the tongue), it will remind you of what you're drinking for a while.

9:55 Fox News is giving Wisconsin Republican Paul Ryan 5-10 uninterrupted (and unchallenged) minutes to pimp his roadmap for bringing Republicans back from the hinterlands and end the "Europeanization" of America. Grrr.

10:01 A new President: Barack Obama. Look out, America! It's an orgy of Democratic exuberance.

10:02 Juan Williams almost cries on Fox News. The Common Man likes Juan Williams and thinks he is one of the smartest pundits working today. Far less loathesome than most of them out there. It was cute.

10:18 John McCain, ladies and gentlemen. Gracious in defeat, though still refusing to tell his supporters to be classier than they are being as they boo Obama's victory. A shell of the man who ran in 2000. Would that man have won this year?

10:22 There's Sarah Palin. What's she going to do now. It's not like she can remain prominent nationally while staying up in Alaska.

10:25 Here's where she goes rogue and grabs the microphone, leading a "Two-thousand-twelve" chant.

10:26 "Thanks so much to all my 6 volunteers."

10:27 Bill says "Stop booing, morons." See idiots, you've dissuaded someone who only wants to love and embrace you and your policies. But you had to be spiteful, angry, bitter bastards, and embrace the negative tactics and rhetoric of McCain's campaign.

10:33 Oprah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (on CNN)

10:39 Hilary issues a press release. She finally concedes the nomination to Obama.

10:54 So, um, nothing much is happening. Obama is on the way to Grant Park to address his throng, and in the meantime The Common Man is so happy that he is nowhere near that throng. Close to his heart it is. That's a lot of people.

10:57 Ladies and Gentlemen, The President-Elect of the United States of America: Barack Obama.

10:58 The best part of the evening so far? Watching Michelle swing her daughters' arms back and forth as they walk back from the podium. There is joy there. Unadulterated joy and love. A true mommy moment.

11:03 Whose arm is Jesse Jackson trying to pull off and wave above his head?

11:03 Good deal. Dad wins the election. You get a puppy. Must be nice to be an Obama.

11:06 Oh, some of them did it for you, Barack. Sure, the task is enormous, but some gals just like your big ears.

11:15 The conclusion of an excellent speech. Here's a question: America is living in the age of political satire, where it is acceptable and profitable to criticize those in power. How does modern political satire go forward in the face of a figure as popular and as inspiring as Barack Obama has been? Indeed, how do you make fun of John Kennedy? The Commmon Man is very interested to see how that develops going forward. The ball is clearly in the court of Jon Stewart, Steven Colbert, and Lorne Michaels (not so much in MadTV or Frank Caliendo).

11:20 Oh, The Common Man loves Joe Biden's mother. So very, very cute.

11:27 At this point, The Common Man thinks he's going to sign off. He's got a lot to do still and a bottle of champagne to crack open with his lovely wife, whose birthday starts in a half-hour. God bless you all and God bless America. And good luck to President-Elect Barack Obama, his family, VP-elect Biden and his huge brood. America needed a strong, bold new President and direction, a manly man with wisdom and strength of character. He thinks (he hopes) it found him.

Quick Hits and a Programming Note

As The Common Man previously wrote, Halloween was a rousing success at his house. The candy was distributed, the pumpkins remained on the front porch (not smashed in the street), and The Boy adorably made his way about the neighborhood scoring candy and dishing out "Happaween" cheer. However, not everyone had such a Happaween. In particular, 8th grader Alex Woinski, of Paramus, NJ, was sent home from school for dressing as his lord and savior. According to the Associated Press, "Alex, who has shoulder-length brown hair, wore a white robe, a red sash, sandals, a fake beard and a crown of thorns." Woinski, whose shoulder-length brown hair has invited similar comparisons from his friends, apparently has a significant interest in religion and is studying the Bible in his spare time. So, regardless, it seems unlikely that Woinski meant any disrespect in his choice of costume. And The Common Man applauds him for his creativity at age 13, and the quality of the getup.

Still, it's likely that the school acted appropriately in this case. They did not single out Woinski; other students were directed to alter their costumes that were deemed "distractions" and offered him the opportunity to stay at school and in costume if he removed the beard and thorns (making him a Roman (Pilate?), The Common Man supposes). It's simply the case that some costumes are more distracting than others and that distracted students don't learn. While The Common Man loves Halloween, loves Woinski's costume, and loves The Lord, if the school felt as though he was being a distraction they have the right and responsibility to send him home.

--On a tragic note, Halloween went horribly awry for 12-year old T.J. Darrisaw, of Sumter, S.C. Stopping at a house to trick-or-treat, T.J. was shot and killed by an AK-47, wielded by a convicted felon. The 22-year old shooter, who had been robbed and shot in the past year, was afraid that polite burglars were knocking at his front door. So, he fired close to 30 rounds through the door.

The Common Man believes strongly in the constitutional right to bear arms. Whether or not there is actually a need for a militia today is less a valid argument and more of an excuse for anti-gun lobbists to get angry and whine. After all, a traditional interpretation of the Bill of Rights has allowed gun ownership for hunting and protection, as well as recreation. That said, (pardon The Common Man) can't everyone fucking agree that
AK-47s are not necessary for hunting or recreation or protection? After all, what can an AK-47 do for you that a .357 can't, aside from its ability to go from assault rifle to fully-automatic, rapid fire machine gun? God only knows how this deluded, dangerous, ex-felon got ahold of the gun, but the fact that it was available for him to acquire speaks volumes about how indescribably stupid it is for such weapons to be in general circulation. How it can take the death of an innocent 12-year old to make gun manufacturers and gun nuts realize that (or worse yet, if they remain unconvinced) that these weapons should be off the street is totally beyond The Common Man.

--Switching topics almost entirely, The Common Man is incredibly geeked up for the election tomorrow. First of all, the day itself, every four years, practically hums with excitement. There is so much to pay attention to in national and state races that The Common Man is always on the edge of his seat. And every time one of the networks calls a state (and then uncalls it and then calls it for the other guy) butterflies dance in his stomach. Indeed, after two years of foreplay and frustrating tantric games, election night is essentially a national ejaculation of voting. And The Common Man loves to be a part of it (even if it sounds as though this year's results will be anti-"climactic").

And while The Common Man doesn't mind the ads so much (though he's sure there are states where the advertising is far more obnoxious than it is in Wisconsin), he is excited that he won't have to see videos like "Obama Is Going To Pay For My Gas And Mortgage," posted below:



Now, of course, Peggy Joseph never says that Barack Obama will pay for her mortgage and gas. Rather, she contends she'll not have to "worry about" them. So instead of being a mother full of hope and optimism about how a new president's administration will bring the high cost of living back under control, so that she won't have to decide between food and gas (she can buy both with her own money, huzzah!), it becomes a racist "look at the silly black woman who thinks that Obama will pay for her goods and services." It's this sly, ugly, backhanded racism that The Common Man finds most offensive, that couches itself in rooting out "socialists" while trying to paint black Americans as clowns and sheep. Again, pardon The Common Man, but fuck all you who think that a meaningful number of Americans are not smart enough to see through your bullshit. Meanwhile, Senator Obama is called "traitor," "terrorist," and all manner of vile unspeakable names that would make your nana blush, but you don't give a damn. That The Common Man gets to go a 2-3 years without hearing from these jackasses delights him. Perhaps some of them will have a change of heart between now and then. Or perhaps they'll drive off a bridge in disgust at having a competent, educated, clear-eyed, and dynamic man as President (who happens to be African-American). Frankly, The Common Man doesn't care which.

--Finally, The Common Man urges you all to get out and vote tomorrow, regardless of who you decide to vote for. A few weeks back, Cameron Schaefer wondered whether some Americans should not vote. The Common Man thinks, perhaps, that some Americans should not. But by and large, the Americans that should not, will not, regardless of how much encouragement, education, or enticement they are given. If you have an interest in who will run this country for four years, and how it will be governed, you should vote. It's as simple as that. You should pull a lever and express your preference. And if you don't care or can't be bothered, then don't. In the end, the effect of "unfit" voters will be minimal (and who the hell gets to determine who's fit and who's not, anyway?). But this dewmocracy is far healthier when people participate in it. Almost a democracy even.

--One final programming note: The Common Man plans to live-blog the election night, starting at about 7 PM Eastern. Reviews of the previous live-blog were overwhelmingly positive. So, he hopes you'll join him, and maybe even participate.

Eenie Meenie

If you've at all seen the clips on youtube of McCain rallies or the commercials produced by both campaigns, you know that Americans have their political ire up. The Common Man doesn't begrudge that. He is, after all, a political junky and revels in analyzing the process by which one guy gets elected to have a bunch of power over the rest of the guys. But The Common Man can easily see how this election season could be indescribably frustrating for most Americans, with its protracted electoral season and its strikingly unpleasant rhetoric back and forth. As the country inches ever closer to the second Tuesday in November, the election seems to take on greater and greater significance, the parties involved more and more shrill, and the stakes ever higher and higher.

In this hyper-political environment, perhaps its not surprising that both major party candidates have been elevated to a brand, of sorts, becoming dour and humorless symbols of something, corporate logos, rather than human beings. So, as the election season winds down (by winding up), The Common Man is pleased to see reminders that the candidates are, in fact, human freaking beings. It is sad, of course, that Barak Obama's grandmother is ill and that Joe Biden's mother-in-law passed away. But to see these candidates leave the field during what is, undoubtedly, the most important period of their lives is a reminder that, indeed, someone loves these two men. And they have people that they love.

Indeed, these people probably are upset about accusations that their grandson goes "palling around with terrorists" or is either un-American, a Muslim (not that this should be a problem), or both. Or they have to endure the claim that their father is "erratic," "unstable," and has a violent temper. Though candidates invite slander and cheap criticism simply by virtue of being politicians, there are those who stand with and behind these candidates who are affected by the attacks. Not that the realization that Obama's grandmother is probably listening in will stop the attacks (nor, really, should it), but that Americans listening in can remember that both tickets presumably come from strong family backgrounds, were raised by well-meaning, good people, and have a positive vision for how this country should and will be.

Likewise, when the nature of the campaign is to turn the candidates old before their time, and stump speeches and talking points seek to remove all semblance of a personality from these candidates, it's good to remember that, indeed, there is substance there. Whatever their detractors think of them, no one can claim that either Obama or McCain is an empty suit. And when John McCain can get up in front of the Al Smith Memorial Dinner, and deliver a brilliantly witty, smart, self-deprecating, and memorable speech in support of the Smith Memorial Fund, it only serves to remind America that he's a funny man, a man formerly much beloved in this country for his energy, his attitude, and his accomplishments.

Really, this weekend served to underlie the fact that, no matter who wins the election in two weeks, America will be in better hands than it has been in for eight years. While it may take time to resolve the challenges the country faces in Iraq, Afghanistan, and Wall Street, America's next leader (provided John McCain doesn't die in office) will have the intelligence, political acumen, and humility to move the country forward. That's a comforting thought, even if The Common Man's preferred candidate stumbles in the coming weeks.





John McCain: One funny mother.

Soundtrack

The Common Man apologizes for the lack of a post yesterday. A mess of work, conspired with cleaning the house in anticipation of houseguests and a four-and-a-half hour drive to Minnesota to visit The Boy's great-grandmother to keep The Common Man off the series of tubes.

The upshot, however, was that he was kept company in the car by the dulcet baritone of Barack Obama and the tinny squeak of John McCain as he drove westward. And from the front seat (where he could see neither the candidates demeanor or body language) it sounded like John McCain won this debate by a small margin. Probably not enough to move the numbers much (though his numbers will probably improve on their own, since Obama's probably getting close to hitting a ceiling in overall support), but Obama sounded flustered and desperate when he broke with the format and pleaded with moderator Tom Brokaw for a chance to counter some of McCain's claims, as though worried that McCain's claims that Obama would raise taxes on small businesses would stick. But Obama rallied toward the end of the debate, soudning strong and nuanced on the question of a resurgent Russia and ending by hanging McCain with his support for the Iraq War and the economy. McCain, rather, seemed to peter out.

Perhaps the biggest winner of all were people who dislike Tom Brokaw. Again, The Common Man was not watching the former anchor of NBC News, but it sounded as though Brokaw was getting trampled by a herd of elephants each time a candidate wanted to extend his remarks or break with the format. Like a rubber band, eventually he was stretched too far and snapped, allowing both candidates to break with the agreed on format and joking that he was "only the help." He sounded exasperated and put-upon, and The Common Man can't imagine Brokaw's excited for the next presidential election.

Anyway, after the debates and the pundritry were over, The Common Man turned to his favorite radio station, and settled back to be awesome/mellowed all the way to his boyhood home. As he listened, The Common Man came to the conclusion that his cynicism has risen in inverse proportion to the amount of time he sits listening to music. The more he listens to talk radio, sports, and NPR, the less he's grooving and the more he's on edge. That's not a bad thing, necessarily, as it's important for a man to be aware of his surroundings, particularly in these trying economic times. Indeed, if he's not paying attention, a banker or sub-prime lender may come in the night to steal his child away. So being aware is an essential part of manhood.

But man, sometimes you just have to chill the f*@# out. And this station is perfect for that. So, in order to promote chilling the f*@# out, The Common Man presents a new feature, Songs For the Optimistic Man. Here's the first song The Common Man heard when he turned on the music last night, Jakob Dylan's "Something Good This Way Comes":



See, don't you feel better? Not only is something good on its way, but Jakob Dylan is still alive and has a career. He didn't fall off a cliff after releasing "One Headlight." This strikes The Common Man as good news.

Here's Mud In Your Eye

Sometimes timing is everything. And sometimes, the week after Barak Obama's spokesman said that John McCain is "cynically running the sleaziest and least honorable campaign in modern presidential campaign history," The Common Man finally gets around to finishing Anything for a Vote, Joseph Cummins reader-friendly guide to dirty Presidential politics. So is Obama's spokesman right? Where would this election cycle rank on Cummins "Sleaze-o-meter?" And is this book worth your time?

Cummins argues that dirty politics is an American tradition, and ingrained within the American populace, the nation's psyche, and the political process. "Without smears, innuendo, and thievery tainting our electoral system," he writes, "what would we have to connect us to our quickly vanishing past?... We're Americans, after all. A nice, dirty election runs in our blood." It's a provacative statement, and one that Cummins backs up by systematically examining every single election since 1789. Indeed, he concludes that "probably the only clean election in American history was the first one...in which George Washington ran unopposed." Since then, there have been a steady progression of dirty tricks and ugly accusations in Presidential races, including Davy Crockett's claim that Martin Van Buren dressed in ladies' corsets, Hoover supporters asserting that the Holland Tunnel led straight to the Vatican (as Hoover's opponent, Al Smith, was a practicing Catholic), and Rutherford B. Hayes supporters claiming his opponent, Samuel Tilden, "had contracted syphilis some years earlier from an Irish whore on the Bowery, and that his venerial disease not only affected his actions, but made him susceptible to blackmail."

In all, Cummins does demonstrate that running for President has invited mud and smears, and that candidates knew what they were in for. But, while dirty politics may have been part of the game since the bitter 1800 election between Jefferson and Adams, he gives his highest "sleaze" ratings to elections in 1960, 1964, 1972, 1988, 1992, and 2000 (and with the second highest rating to 2004). Prior to that run, only 3 elections reached the pinnacle of sleaze, the aforementioned 1800 election, 1879 (Hayes v. Tildon), and 1928 (Hoover v. Smith). So while the dirty pool is nothing new, the intensity seems to have ratcheted up in recent years, and become increasingly vindictive. So it's entirely plausible that this year's cycle will see the most vitriolic, ugly, and disgusting attacks in campaign history. And it validates the idea that, in bygone days, politics wasn't so rancorous and off-putting as it is now, and that when Obama and McCain talked about getting back to a more civil style of politics they weren't idealizing and romanticizing the past.

So far, The Common Man would put this election cycle up at a 8 or so on Cummins' "sleaze-o-meter." News networks have openly speculated that Barak Obama is Muslim (a similar charge dogged unsuccessful 1856 candidate John Fremont, who was accused of being a secret Catholic), and one blatantly false McCain ad has suggested that he wants kindergarters to have "comprehensive sex education." He's also been drug through the mud because of his tangential associations with Reverand Wright, Father Pflager, and William Ayers. And he and his wife have openly had their patriotism questioned because sometimes he chooses not to wear an American flag pin and his wife has been honest enough to bring up that life in America is often more difficult for people of color, particularly if those people are women.

Of course, Obama's not alone as a target, nor is he entirely innocent of the mudslinging. Obama's campaign has lampooned John McCain for being unable to use a computer, when it's possible that his POW injuries won't allow him to sit at a desk and use a keyboard. Hilary Clinton was called shrill, a harpy, and the epitome of a bitchy feminism. Sarah Palin has been accused of faking a pregnancy to cover up her daughter's illegitamate child, and now it seems that daughter has a baby on the way. In all, it's an impressive list. The Common Man was tempted to give it a 10 so far (and someday, when books are written on this election, it might rank that high), but there are still a couple of months to go and The Common Man wants the candidates and their supporters to have a notion to shoot for (perhaps this election will go to 11).

Cummins's book itself is a fun read, and, as The Common Man mentioned, very reader friendly. And it's a very informative, quick, and breezy run through American history. It is not, however, a serious work of political science or scholarly research. There are no footnotes, nothing to suggest Cummins's sources. And his politics seem to come through in his recounting of the 2000 and 2004 elections (but really, who doesn't think that those didn't go well for this country?). Casual fans of politics will find it right up their alleys.

Failing a Test

Well, The Common Man loves The Simpsons, even though good new episodes are few and far between these days, and he's seen the best that the mid- to late-nineties had to offer at least half a dozen times over the years. Even though, as time passes, he gradually turns into Homer, The Common Man particularly loves Bart and the youthful pranks and shenanigans the scamp gets into (who doesn't love Bart and Milhouse finding $20, getting squishy-drunk, and accidentally becoming Boy Scouts?). You see, The Common Man can take a joke.

Which is why The Common Man chuckled yesterday when, while watching The Simpsons and making dinner for The Boy, he saw the following ad for John McCain and Sarah Palin:



That's hilarious, The Common Man thought, that a candidate who has been thoroughly vetted would have somehow advocated sex-ed for kindergardeners and no one had noticed. Good one, John McCain! You, sir, are a man of great humor.

Then, of course, The Common Man realized that McCain wasn't joking. McCain's ad was seriously putting forth the idea that Barak Obama, the Democratic nominee for President of the United States, wanted kids "learning about sex before learning to read." This is elevating the national dialogue about politics, suggesting that Barak Obama is the inappropriate uncle you don't invite to parties anymore?

Obviously, McCain's assertion is not true. According to FactCheck.org, the legislation McCain's ad discusses "does not support explicit sex education for kindergarteners. And the bill...would have allowed only "age appropriate" material and a no-questions-asked opt-out policy for parents." The primary purpose of the clause addressing kindergardeners, according to The Washington Post, "was to make them aware of the risk of inappropriate touching and sexual predators." So, if John McCain wants to make a campaign issue out of Barak Obama's attempts to keep kindergardeners safe from child molestors, good luck with that. McCain has no young children, so perhaps that's not a concern for him.

Indeed, education as a whole seems to be less of a concern for John McCain. McCain speaks highly of No Child Left Behind, a disappointing program (at best) that has hamstrung school districts and states by not delivering promised funding, cut off student choices, and encouraged an alarming increase in student drop-out rates. Indeed, according to the New York Sun, McCain has "embraced a national effort, led by the New York City schools chancellor, Joel Klein, to expand No Child Left Behind's philosophy of using test scores to zero in on and eliminate


failing schools, principals, and teachers." Yet, as McCain has not proposed any additional federal education funding, one wonders exactly how he will pay for it.

He is also a proponent of allowing students from failing schools to transfer into other available schools in the area. This sounds good in theory, until you keep in mind that schools have a finite amount of space to hold new students and many areas of the country (particularly rural communities that have extremely limited educational opportunities). Choice is not the panacea it seems when there is no real choice to make, after all.


What is most disappointing about this entire fiasco, however, is that McCain's ad comes from someone The Common Man respects. His moral compass is supposed to be truer than that. And the fact that he resorts to such trickery only underscores the notion that John McCain realizes he has nothing substantive to add to the debate on education. Nothing he'd like to say about his own proposals. Nothing worth talking about. He has become the snide child in the back of the class, making fun of the smart guy trying to deliver his book report. And that's...just... It's sad what John McCain has become.

Watching You Watching

The Nielsen ratings are in on the Democratic National Convention, and the news is good for CNN, FoxNews, and MSNBC. According to TVbytheNumbers, "the ratings for the first night of the 2008 Democratic Convention were substantially higher than the first night in 2004, with prime-time viewership up as much as 88% and adults 25-54 viewership up as much as 127%." The increase in viewership carried over into the second, third, and fourth nights as well. It's an impressive testament to the drawing power of the 2008 election, and how excited Americans, particularly younger Americans, seem at the prospect of an Obama presidency. Or at least how excited Obama supporters are.

The Common Man suspects that next week's Republican National Convention in St. Paul will see a significant drop in ratings, as the star power associated with John McCain simply cannot compare to Barak Obama and the Clintons. And that's a shame. Frankly, The Common Man is bothered that, at the most, just 27.7 million Americans tuned in to the convention last night, especially when 40 million tuned in to watch Michael Phelps. And is disappointed that fewer still will see McCain's closing speech next Thursday. Even this sudden spike in interest only underlines the American public's commitment to style over substance, to the ten-second soundbite and 30-second analysis to actually listening to the candidates. This has become the very essence of the American Dewmocracy. That Americans don't have the attention span to commit to hearing the whole, they want someone to tell them what is important so they can go back to snowboarding or skateboarding or wakeboarding or whatever kind of boarding is extreme this week, instead of being forced to parse through and process a candidate's message for themselves.

Look, The Common Man knows that no one likes to be scolded or told what they should do. He hates it himself. But if you can't be bothered to at least take an hour this week and next to listen to both Obama and McCain's speech and decide for yourself who you trust and who will serve America's interests best, then you don't deserve to call yourself a man. If you are going to allow Alan Colmes, or Sean Hannity, or Chris Matthews to filter information for you, so that you are being told what to think, rather than taking control of your own opinions and your own vote, and making up your own damn mind, you may as well just give your vote back.

Not everyone cares about politics, and that's fine. But you don't have to check out Fivethirtyeight.com twice a day, and read the Drudge Report, and skim Daily Kos every day to to understand that this election will probably have real consequences in how you get to live your life for the next four (and maybe eight) years. If you can't be bothered to care a little about that, then how is it possible that you care enough to get up each morning? If you have no interest in influencing the world around you, what's the point of doing anything? If you can't tell that deciding who to vote for will be more important to you than watching a man, half-way around the world, swim of all things, what does that say about your priorities?

So The Common Man encourages all of you, even those (like himself) who are inclined to support Barak Obama, to watch the Republican National Convention next week, or at least John McCain's acceptance speech on Thursday night. And if you missed Obama's speech last night, you can find it on his website and watch it at your convenience. Take some ownership over your decision-making, step up, and be a man.