Real Bad People

Today, Harvey Araton, in the venerable New York Times, writes,

"Nine more years. Nine long, bold-headlined years. That is how much longer the Yankees are contractually obligated to put up with always-something Alex Rodriguez. With his celebrity distractions, his need to be noticed, his clubhouse-integration issues, his Derek Jeter envy and, yes, his prime-time failures.... As much as anyone, he is a product of a decade in which the sport took a pharmaceutical path that, for too many reputations, has become the road to ruin." (h/t to Shysterball)

Another article in the Old Gray Lady, this one by Tyler Kepner, quotes an anonymous Yankee official, saying “'His legacy, now, is gone.... He’ll just play it out. Now he’s a worker. Do your job, collect your paycheck and when you’re finished playing, go away. That’s what it is.'”

The Palm Beach Post writes about father and A-Rod superfan Jose Mercado, who

"found himself driving to Dolphin Stadium struggling to explain to his two sons what they'd just heard on the radio - A-Rod allegedly used steroids. 'You see the look on their faces and it's disappointment,' Mercado said. 'I thought A-Rod was one of the good guys, one of the guys who never took anything. If the allegations are true, certainly it's heartbreaking.'"

Settle down, America. The Common Man understands that the news is somewhat shocking and that A-Rod is no one's idea of a good guy this morning. If these allegations are true, A-Rod is a cheater and a liar, like many other cheaters and liars before him (John McGraw, Ty Cobb, Whitey Ford, Gaylord Perry, Barry Bonds, and Rafael Palmeiro to name a few). But, please, keep some perspective. As a public service, The Common Man offers five people in the news today who are much more deserving of your revulsion and your attention than A-Rod.

5) Rush Limbaugh--The Common Man doesn't mind conservatives. He disagrees with them most of the time, but recognizes their inherent goodness, their desire to see America strong, and how respectful they are of opposing viewpoints. Rush Limbaugh is none of these things. He has consistently and willfully put his own interests ahead of the country, culminating in his recent announcement that he hopes Barack Obama fails to get the country out of its current economic crisis and its wars in the Middle East. He's made fun of Michael J. Fox for the side-effects of his Parkinson's Disease. He's suggested that black quarterbacks have an easier time than white quarterbacks because liberals in sports (what???) want black quarterbacks to succeed. He called soldiers who disagree with the Iraq War "phony soldiers." He's on record saying that feminism was invented "to allow unattractive women access to the mainstream." And that's not even mentioning his addiction to prescription painkillers, something that links him more closely to Alex Rodriguez than the famous fat man would probably like to admit.

And this man, according to today's Los Angeles Times, is again becoming the face and voice of the Republican Party, "While the GOP's star has fallen, Limbaugh's has soared. As party leaders struggle to find their voice, Limbaugh's baritone booms loud and clear three hours a day, five days a week on 600 radio stations across America. If a $400-million contract and the title of most influential talk radio personality -- as voted by industry pros -- aren't sufficient proof, consider President Obama's decision to pick a fight with him three days into his presidency." While Obama's decision to take on Limbaugh was a brilliant ploy to make the conservative more relevant and a larger face in the party (where he'll presumably turn off independents and moderates), the response from Rep. Phil Gingrey is more telling of Limbaugh's influence. When he had the temerity to suggest “It’s easy if you’re Sean Hannity or Rush Limbaugh or even sometimes Newt Gingrich to stand back and throw bricks. You don’t have to try to do what’s best for your people and your party. You know you’re just on these talk shows and you’re living well and plus you stir up a bit of controversy and gin the base and that sort of that thing," he was forced to apologize all over the airwaves by angry conservatives who flooded his phone and in-box.

4) Whoever makes the decisions at Peanut Corporation of America--You'd think it would be difficult to screw up peanuts. After all, they come with their own protective coating. Yet, Peanut Corp. has done so royally. The salmonella outbreak linked back to the Georgia Company has made more than 500 people sick, and killed eight. But according to an FDA report obtained by CNN, "In some situations the firm received a positive salmonella test result, followed by a later negative result, and then shipped the products. In some other situations, the firm shipped the products [which had already tested positive] before it had received the [second] positive test results." Oops. To paraphrase a classic Kids In the Hall sketch, "Sorry we caused all that salmonella."

3) Anonymous Somali recruiter in the Twin Cities--According to several media reports, the most recent in today's Minneapolis Star Tribune, young Somali men are disappearing around the Twin Cities Metro Area. They are returning, it seems, to Somalia, recruited to fight in the ongoing civil war for local Muslim militias. According to the Minneapolis paper, "The FBI, which is investigating an alleged link between some in the Twin Cities and violence in Somalia, won't comment on how many Somali teenagers or young men have left to fight or possibly receive terrorist training. But several sources within the community say they believe Mustafa is one of seven to nine Somalis who have gone back since August." At least one of these men has been used as a suicide bomber. Many of the young men reportedly have had "religious awakenings" and have been heavily involved in Minneapolis mosques. The brother of one boy told the paper, "I'm 100 percent sure that there are people in there who have influenced him and those people are claiming to be sheiks." So, it would seem that someone in Minnesota, closely affiliated with radical-Islamic militias in Somalia, is recruiting Somali teens, providing them with passports, and sending them back to Mogadishu to fight and die. It's insidious and frightening.

2) Gene Orza--Normally, The Common Man would include SI scribe Jon Heyman in the list of people worse than A-Rod (since he proudly voted for Jim Rice, Jack Morris, and Andre Dawson, and proudly didn't vote for Tim Raines and Bert Blyleven), but today, The Common Man reserves his scorn for the subject of Heyman's article. Orza, the other big player in yesterday's news, was guilty of tipping players off ahead of time that they would be tested. And according to Heyman, Orza is also ultimately responsible for the leaked results, as he stubbornly refused to destroy the list of positive test results. Heyman reports:

"That list would have been long gone if not for the union, several baseball people say. Players union COO Gene Orza worked long and hard to try to pare down the list. Orza's mission, according to baseball people, was to find enough false positives on the list to drive the number of failures so far down that real testing wouldn't be needed in 2004 or ever.

Orza wanted to get the list down below the five percent threshold for testing to go away entirely. But try as he might, he could not drive it down quite that far. After months of trying, Orza couldn't do it, and baseball announced that a curiously amorphous 5-7 percent of players failed the 2003 survey test, enough to ramp up the testing in 2004, much to the union's dismay.

According to multiple baseball sources, Orza spent way too much time studying the results in hopes of lowering the number. And while Orza was playing with the paperwork, BALCO struck, foiling his grand scheme."

If this is true, Orza is guilty of a number of offenses. Most importantly, he purposely and willfully attempted to hide evidence of baseball's steroid problem. And in doing so, he ultimately caused the scandal that broke yesterday. Good for you, Gene. Hope your resume is up to date.

1) Bishop Richard Williamson--How bad was Orza's mistake? To top him, you have to be a Holocaust denier. Williamson was initially excommunicated from the Catholic church by Pope John Paul II in 1988. And given how awesome and cute JPII was, you know that Williamson was a bad egg. A member of an ultra-conservative wing of the church, Williamson was reconciled with the church by Pope Benedict a month ago. Yet, just a month before, Williamson told Swedish television, "I believe that the historical evidence is strongly against -- is hugely against -- 6 million Jews having been deliberately gassed in gas chambers as a deliberate policy of Adolf Hitler. I believe there were no gas chambers." While the Pope has ordered Williamson to distance himself from the comments, he has refused. German bishops have banded together to call for Williamson's re-excommunication. According to Archbishop Robert Zollitsch, the chairman of the German Bishops' Conference, "Mr. Williamson is impossible and irresponsible. I now see no room for him in the Catholic church."

Apparently, the Pope's vetting process is not as stringent as the process to become undersecretary of labor here in the U.S. Still, while The Common Man wants to fault the Holy Father, and urges him to be swift and decisive in his condemnation of Williamson, the ultimate fault here lies with Williamson. A despicable man with despicable beliefs who cannot effectively preach a message of love, peace, and tolerance while holding such extreme, wrong-headed, and inflammatory views.

So, America...priorities. Vent your spleen in some other direction, if you don't mind. Because when you all get outraged and angry and come around The Common Man's neighborhood hyperbolizing and saying things that don't make sense, it makes him cranky. Focus, people!

Breaking Down Breaking News

The Common Man woke up this morning with The Boy in his bed, kicking him in the head. The Boy was ready to get up, and wanted his father with him. So together they walked downstairs, had some breakfast, and turned on the TV. As they sat enjoying the MLB Network showing David Cone's 19-strikeout gem from 1991 (The Boy likes baseball, and keeps yelling "run, run, run!"), MLB came through with the first scoop of its short life.

Alex Rodriguez, the most complete and talented player in the game today, tested positive for steroids in 2003. The Common Man fired off an email to Shysterball as quick as he could, but hasn't really had time to unpack what this means for the game and for Alex Rodriguez until now.

--The original test in 2003 was supposed to be anonymous, an effort to determine just how many players were on the juice and whether further action by the league and the union was required. Obviously, it was. But it's somewhat disconcerting that the results that were supposed to be anonymous (and probably should have been destroyed in the aftermath of the testing) have been used to name names. Since there are apparently 103 other names that are connected to these positive tests, The Common Man agrees strongly with Shysterball, who argues that "Given that it is now inevitable that all of the names who tested positive in 2003 will come out, maybe it's in the union's best interest to release every name now rather than deal with the drip, drip, dripping of names over time."

At this point, the players (and the league) should be trying to minimize the damage of the positive tests. The longer this story keeps generating new information, the longer it will remain in the public consciousness. With Opening Day approaching and a bevy of storylines waiting to be exploited, there will be ample opportunity for baseball fans to get distracted. Also, by taking control over the release of the names, the players and the players' association can control the story to a degree, putting a more positive spin on their decision and shift the focus from the tests themselves to the union's responsible decision to clear the air.

Whether or not this is feasible is debatable. With an expectation of privacy, the players who tested positive may not be willing to have their names released, hoping that journalists will stop looking or they'll miraculously escape detection. And they may have legal recourse (honestly, The Common Man doesn't know) if their names are released without their consent. The union's statement today that "information and documents relating to the results of the 2003 MLB testing program are both confidential and under seal by court orders. We are prohibited from confirming or denying any allegation about the test results of any particular player(s) by the collective bargaining agreement and by court orders" would seem to suggest that releasing the names could prove difficult and complicated at best.

--Allegations that Gene Orza, the union's Chief Operating Officer, tipped off players about upcoming drug tests, are potentially more serious to the game's integrity than A-Rod's positive test. A-Rod tested positive before there were penalties in place for the cheating and represent a single player's bad actions. Orza's alleged behavior compromises the entire Players' Association and undermines its credibility tremendously. At this point, it's unclear how effective Orza's warnings were in minimizing positive tests, but it suggests that a) the union had knowledge of specific players who were using and b) was actively working against efforts to clean up the game. It would seem to be a violation of the collective bargaining agreement, and destroys Orza's personal reputation with league ownership.

--Jason at It Is About the Money, Stupid, writes that A-Rod "can kiss his HOF wishes goodbye." Later, in the comments, he writes, "maybe I jumped to that 'no HOF' stance too quickly, but in seeing the response that Bonds, Clemens, McGwire, Palmiero, Sosa, et al are getting with respect to the HOF, I wonder how ARod will stand above it all." If these allegations against A-Rod are true, Jason is right that he'll get thrown in with Bonds, Clemens, McGwire, Palmeiro, and Sosa (though, technically, Sosa's name has never been connected with any steroid allegations). But it's not at all clear what the BBWAA's response to these players will be. While McGwire has thusfar been shut out of the Hall, and Palmeiro is unlikely to gain induction any time soon, it's hard for The Common Man to imagine Bonds and Clemens on the outside looking in. And if there is an inconsistency in the BBWAA's voting with these players, The Common Man would argue that A-Rod (with his phenominal talent, his position on the field, and his ridiculous numbers) is far more likely to be in the Bonds/Clemens group than the McGwire/Palmeiro.

It's also worth remembering that Alex Rodriguez still has nine years remaining on his Yankees contract, and five years after he retires before he becomes eligible. There is no way to predict a) how the rest of his career will progress, and how his image will change in the public eye (he certainly has plenty of time to atone); b) how the public and media's perception of the steroid era and PEDs will change in 14 years; and c) how the voting pool of the BBWAA will change in that time.

--One interesting, and underdiscussed, aspect of this story was that, while it was broken by Sports Illustrated, SI has been linked closely with the MLB Network through the on-air presence of writers Tom Verducci and Jon Heyman. As a result, MLB Network, wholly owned and operated by Major League Baseball, was ostensibly breaking a devastating story this morning about its chief rival (the Players' Association) and its most prolific player. Whether or not there is a conflict of interest there, The Common Man doesn't know.

What interest does Major League Baseball have in this story, and were they at all responsible for alerting Selena Roberts, the SI reporter who wrote the story and who was interviewed on the network by Bob Costas today, to the existence of the test results? The Common Man isn't much for conspiracy theories, but the cozy relationship here and the obvious way in which this disparages the union and Gene Orza in particular makes The Common Man wonder. Also, and The Common Man is sure the league's lawyers have delved into this question, does the league and its subsidieries have a legal obligation to not release a story in which a specific player is outed as testing positive, especially in light of their agreement with the Players' Association and the existing court order to keep the results confidential?

What You Should Have Been Watching: Millennium

All The Common Man can say is, don't do it America. If this CNN report is to be believed, many of you are thinking about ditching your cable TV or satellite service for the glories of television on the internet, "Data show that increasing numbers of people relying on the Internet for at least some of their TV viewing. Users watched more than 24 million videos on Hulu in December, a record for the fledgling company. And Joost users viewed 818,000 hours of video in January, up 25 percent from the previous month, a spokesman said. A recent survey of 3,000 prime-time TV watchers by Integrated Media Measurements Inc., an audience tracker, found that 20 percent watched some TV online."

It's not that TV on the internet isn't a good idea. In fact, The Common Man has been known to catch up on his Lost or his Battlestar Galactica or his 30 Rock or his Friday Night Lights on occasion. When he was painting the house, he went through the first seasons of Weeds and Dexter. But understand this, dear friends. The internet is not soon likely to replace your television. Particularly if you're a man like The Common Man. Because football, baseball, and the Final Four are not likely to be adequately represented there anytime soon. Baseball does have a Season Ticket option that will allow you to watch local games online, but for the playoffs, you'll need your TV. And the big networks have exclusive control of football for the next few years.

And if you do give up on your cable, America, you'll miss out on reruns of Millennium, the most recent installment in The Common Man's attempt to shape your viewing habits. Millennium was Chris Carter's follow-up show to the iconic X-Files, and was a creepier and more extreme version of the same show in the run up to the year 2000. The series starred veteran character actor Lance Henriksen as Frank Black, a profiler with a unique ability to see and comprehend evil. Black works for the Millennium Group, a shadowy organization of former law enforcement officers who consult for the FBI and local police departments on difficult cases, and who believe an apocolypse is coming. The Millennium Group uses the crimes they investigate to better understand the coming apocolypse and how to prevent it (or perhaps control it).

Complicating matters is Frank's driving commitment to keep his family safe. Following a breakdown, he and his wife and five-year old move back to Seattle to recover and to build anew life. Yet, danger and evil keep seeking them out, and Frank struggles to meet his goal, especially when the larger goal of preventing the apocolypse (which, you know, would benefit his family a little) seems to conflict with short term desires to protect them from harm. His struggle mirrors the difficulty of being a father and husband, when things beyond a man's control can threaten to take what he holds dear and has vowed to keep safe, no matter how strong, courageous, and intelligent a man is.

The larger plot of the series becomes very convoluted, and each of its three seasons has distinct differences, as the creative decision makers changed each year. What was consistent was the characterization of Frank and his family, and a dreary and ominous feel to the show, almost a dread. It is filled with disturbing iconography and images and just feels creepy. And as one of the first shows to deal with with "profiling" (which has since become cliche), the show was truly groundbreaking. And Hendriksen's work here, as well as the work of Meghan Gallagher and Brittany Tiplady (as Frank's wife and daughter, respectively), is really excellent. Hendriksen's haunting and gravely voice bely a weariness and worry, but also wisdom and compassion, and his face seems etched with the evil he has faced.


If you're a fan of the horror genre, and of serial television like Lost, Millennium is a terrific show for you (plus, Terry O'Quinn!). It's not perfect; at times, for instance, in the third season it drags. But it's compelling and addictive. You can find Millennium on ChillerTV, where it's rerun three times a day, and you can find out whether this world survives an apocolypse in the year 2000.

News News, Failing the Written, and Bad Hampster

The newspaper industry has been hemmoraging money in recent years, and even the most world-renouned periodicals are strapped. The New York Times is taking out a new mortgage on its building and getting into bed with shady Mexican bajillionaires. The Wall Street Journal has become a subsidiary of Rupert Murdoch's media empire. Papers everywhere are laying off reporters and cutting back on staff, and are relying even more heavily on wire services like the AP (ignoring the fact that AP's content is also available online, where the papers are getting their butts handed to them) at the expense of local coverage (in which local papers have a distinct advantage).

As newspapers get pwned by the internet, videos like this 1981 San Francisco news report are especially ironic, as they highlight the role that newspapers themselves have played in their own demise:




--But even as the newspaper industry sags and turns to them, the AP is having to slash its prices to compete with CNN's new wire service, and is looking for new sources of revenue. And like any great Scrooge, they're looking to profit from removing hope and joy from people's lives. For instance, CNN is reporting that the AP is claiming ownership over the iconic Hope campaign portrait of President Obama. AP's director of media relations, Paul Colford, announced “The Associated Press has determined that the photograph used in the poster is an AP photo and that its use required permission. AP safeguards its assets and looks at these events on a case-by-case basis. We have reached out to [Los Angeles street artist Shepard] Fairey's attorney and are in discussions. We hope for an amicable solution." The painting has generated significant revenue since its creation, but Fairley claims to have received none of it, as he donated the image to the campaign.

The Common Man isn't smart enough to know whether Fairley's image violated copyright law or not. If the image was significantly altered, or Fairley's work was only based on the photo (and isn't a copy of the photo), it may fall under the doctrine of fair use. It will be interesting to see whether AP is successful in its negotiation, particularly since it does not appear that they will be able to get anything out of the original artist (blood from a stone, and all that). Someone with a law degree should chime in on this.

--But it's not as thought the AP is a bad thing. Without the AP, for instance, The Common Man wouldn't know about Cha, the 68-year old South Korean woman who has failed her written driving exam 771 times, spending more than $3000 in application fees over the past two years. The exam requires a score of 60 to pass, but the highest Cha has gotten is 50, but she keeps plugging along, returning day after day, week after week, and month after month to take the test again and hopefully get the chance to take her road test. Look, The Common Man admires perserverance, and thinks it a noble trait that should be lauded. But Cha, dear, sometimes it's simply best to let things slide. At this point, it's fair to conclude that God never wanted you to drive a car, and move on. The Common Man's advice is to become the best damn bicyclist you can be. You haven't come particularly close to passing and, frankly, if you can't pass the written The Common Man fears what may happen if you ever do get behind the wheel.



--And finally, while The Common Man despises racial profiling in all of its manifestations, he doesn't mind discriminating on the basis of species. So, if you find yourself in trouble with John Law in the future, just tell them the hampster did it:

Recasting the Net

A big hat-tip to Shysterball for pointing out wezen-ball's terrific recap of the classic "Homer at the Bat" episode of The Simpsons (wezen-ball is quickly becoming a must-read for The Common Man and has just been added to the blogroll). In the episode, Mr. Burns brings in a bunch of real-life ballplayers as ringers to help his company softball team. On the way to the game, however, almost all of them are waylaid (except for Darryl Strawberry, who plays Homer's position).


This got The Common Man to wondering, if a sequel for the episode (Springfield Softball Goes to Japan?) were recast today, who would be on Mr. Burns' roster (besides Cap Anson)? It would have to be a player with the right mixture of ability, notoriety, and mockability. Here are The Common Man's picks, followed by how The Common Man figures they'd be held up on the way to the game, as well as the original player for that position and what happened to him. Then feel free to use the comments section to pick apart The Common Man's choices or suggest your own.

Catcher
Joe Mauer--With his polite demeaner and his matinee idol good looks (except for that weird mole that he should probably get looked at), Joe is the living embodiment of Corey, the non-threatening boy Lisa gets obsessed with calling in "Brother From the Same Planet" (here are some words that rhyme with Corey: gory, story, allegory, montessori). The Common Man imagines an unhinged Lisa would trick Joe into the Simpsons' basement, where he'd be forced to stay until Lisa became interested in bad boy Nelson Munce or settled for Milhouse.
(Position was initially filled by Mike Scioscia, who contracted radiation poisoning from working at the plant.)

First base
Prince Fielder--More on Prince below. See The Common Man's note for Starting Pitcher
(Position was initially filled by Don Mattingly, who Mr. Burns kicked off the team for having (apparently imaginary) sideburns.)

Second Base
Dustin Pedroia--An incredibly effective young player, Pedroia has picked up some major hardware in his first two seasons, winning the AL Rookie of the Year and MVP award. And he seems to be a relatively good citizen. However, to distract from another of his many illicit affairs, Mayor Diamond Joe Quimby will be crusading against illegal immigrants, and deport Pedroia back to the Red Sox Nation.
(Position was initially filled by Steve Sax, who was arrested by Springfield police for every unsolved crime in New York City. (Sax was playing for the Yankees at the time.))

Third Base
Alex Rodriguez--Who is more mockable or famous in the majors today than A-Rod? The Common Man imagines that, like Don Mattingly, Mr. Burns would kick A-Rod off the team, probably because he failed to fulfill the old man's high expectations. His homeruns weren't going far enough, or he was only able to field his position, and not cover SS or LF as well. Or maybe he was involved in a Princess Diana-esque/Paparrazzi-caused car accident.
(Position was initially filled by Wade Boggs, who was knocked out by Barney in Moe's Tavern during an argument over who was Britain's greatest Prime Minister (Pitt the Elder or Lord Palmerston). By the way, no one seems to get that this argument mimics exactly the kind of idiotic, who was the greatest RF of all time arguments that lead to stupid fights in local dives around the country.)

Shortstop
Derek Jeter--See, and he'd have to take over some of SS because of Cap'n Jete's poor range. And, by the way, maybe Jeter is even more famous and mockable. Like Jose Canseco before him, Jeter would get caught up doing good deeds, rescuing kittens from a fire or hammering out peace in the Mid-East or tending to the sick of Calcutta or whatever else Yankee fans think Jeter does on his off days.
(Position was initially filled by Ozzie Smith, who fell into the Springfield Mystery Spot while sightseeing and who is, presumably, still falling.)

Leftfield
Manny--Make that two players who are more famous and mockable than A-Rod right now. Manny, because he's not busy at the moment, would make it to the game on time (like Darryl Strawberry before him, and start in place of Homer. Once again, Homer would be called on to pinch hit in the bottom of the ninth with the bases loaded, two out, and the game tied because Manny is in the bathroom or chasing a firetruck or something.
(Position was initially filled by Jose Canseco, who (playing against type) got busy rescuing a woman, her child, her cat, and all her possessions from a burning house.)

Centerfield
Ken Griffey Jr.--As the last active player from the original episode, The Kid would be invited back to reprise his role in the sequel. Healed from his gigantism, Mr. Burns would have high hopes for the former prodigy. Unfortunately, Griffey would tear a groin muscle in his sleep and miss the game.
(Griffey missed the game the first time around after taking a nerve tonic given to him by Mr. Burns that causes gigantism.)

Rightfield
Ichiro!--Hmmm...Perhaps he commits industrial espionage (or steals signs) for the rival Japanese team. And gets kicked off. Or maybe he refuses to play against his countrymen and commits seppuku.
(Position was initially filled by Darryl Strawberry, who was the only player to play in the game, and took Homer's spot in the lineup. After hitting several homeruns, Strawberry was lifted for a pinch hitter (Homer) with the bases loaded and two outs in the ninth during a tie game because Burns wanted a right-handed batter to face the lefty pitcher.)

Pitcher
CC Sabathia--The Common Man envisions CC and Prince Fielder going out the night before and getting into some kind of eating constest that is still ongoing as the game starts the next day. Perhaps they're each tackling the Sir Loin-a-lot that killed old Red Barclay (too obscure?). By the way, who would win that contest? Either way, Tony Randall would have crushed them both (again, too obscure?). Below, of course, is Sabathia and Fielder trying to eat one another.


(Position was initially filled by Roger Clemens, who was hypnotized into thinking he was a chicken (though, arguably, that's better than a PED-user who cultivates relationships and sleeps with teenagers).

OK, your suggestions are welcome below.

Early Returns

You know, with a hold on both houses of Congress and a ridiculously popular President in the White House, The Common Man thought Democrats would savor their victory for, oh, say a full month before they went and ruined it. But wouldn't you know, they are a bunch of overachievers. So today, Democrats are getting to deal with, not one, but two Obama nominees dropping out for IRS-related problems and Elizabeth Edwards announcing she's releasing a book that will discuss how she handled all the terrible news she's gotten in her life (like how her husband cheated on her with a campaign worker while she had cancer).

Former Senator Tom Daschle has been battling the news that he mistakenly (or not so mistakenly) did not pay more than $130,000 in income taxes over a three year period since accepting Barack Obama's nomination to head up the Department of Health and Human Services. Not wanting to be a distraction (and clearly not realizing that his glasses were already providing one), Daschle withdrew today. And Nancy Killefer, the nominee to become chief performance officer (whatever the hell that is) also withdrew from consideration for having a $950 lien against her house. This, of course, comes a few weeks after Timothy Geithner, Obama's pick for Treasury Secretary, was grilled by Senators for shorting the IRS of almost $26,000. At this point, it's fair to wonder if any Democrats have paid their taxes.

As a general rule, The Common Man has no problem with being taxed. Despite what crazy libertarian types will tell you, taxes are absolutely necessary to provide valuable services, promote responsible economic and scientific growth (though that hasn't gone so well lately), keep the roads in good shape, defend the populace, and pay for a totally awesome inauguration last month. But he'd appreciate it if those who were levying the taxes against the rest of the population would take care to, you know, pay the taxes they ask everyone else to. Don't any of you people use H&R Block???

At least President Obama has been appropriately contrite about his decision. "I think I screwed up," the President told CNN's Anderson Cooper. "I don't want to send a message to the American people that there are two sets of standards -- one for powerful people and one for ordinary folks who are working every day and paying their taxes." His attitude is a welcome change from the Bush administration, who would stubbornly insist for six months on pushing forward with the nomination as the right thing to do, act insulted when the media put forth honest questions and concerns about the nominee, then four years from now some member of his inner circle would write a book about how wrong the President was.

But at least these are relatively clean scandals. Making an error on your taxes is stupid, and not good for someone who needs to be embroiled in and aware of all the details of a massive bureaucracy, but it's not like prominent Democrats were rolling around in the hay with campaign workers again. Which is why today's news that Elizabeth Edwards is going to release her book, Resilience, next May, reminding everyone of just how big a scumbag her husband has been, is particularly disappointing. See, The Common Man, having properly castigated the former Senator and Vice-Presidential nominee back in August, was all set to let Edwards ride off into the sunset andnever bother anyone other than his wife ever again. And now, today of all days, Elizabeth has pulled him back into the public spotlight, a dirty reminder of Democratic sins past.

Then again, The Common Man supposes that eight years of scandals with Democrats in power beats eight uneventful years with more of increasingly shrill and marginalized Republican Party.

New Game In Town

Did you see the big game? What? No, The Common Man isn't talking about the Super Bowl, which The Common Man miraculoulsy managed to get half right (picking the wrong winner, but being correct about the Cardinals covering. Though that was pretty good (holy frak, Santonio Holmes!). Instead, he's talking about live baseball. On your TV! In February!

Those of you lucky enough to have DirecTV (get on the ball, Shyster, you don't know what you're missing) and awesome enough to be baseball fans already know about the pleasures offered by the new Major League Baseball network. The network shows great games from the past, wide-ranging shows debating the top players/seasons of all time, schmaltzy documentaries on the game's past.... Really, it's got everything you need. And now, they are showing the Caribbean World Series for what must be the first time on American television. It's not like ESPN has been pounding down the door for this, but baseball fans will take anything in the dead of winter, and it's more fun to watch games that mean something than the upcoming Spring Training action.

Today's game featured the top winter ball squads from Venezuela and the Domincan Republic in opening round action. Though the Dominican squad had the more impressive lineup (with legitimate big leaguers Erick and Willy Aybar, Ronny Paulino, Timo Perez, Jose Bautista, and Ronnie Belliard), the unknown Brad Knox (a 26 year old who flopped at AAA for the A's this year) emerged as the star, no-hitting the D.R. through 6+ innings. Knox did not figure in the decision, as his offense mustered little support, but left to great aplomb after 90 pitches. Luis Maza, a 28 year old infielder who finally reached the majors this year after hitting .378 at AAA, banged out four hits (two of them doubles) and two RBI, including a game-winning single in the top of the ninth.


More important than the actual game, though, was the effect that the game had on The Common Man. Now that the football season is officially over, The Common Man could easily slip away into a sports-deprived hibernation, surfacing just in time for the first two rounds of the NCAA Tourney before losing interest, and bemoaning that Spring Training is meaningless and just not eventful enough to really satisfy. Like eating a Jolly Rancher when you're really hungry. Sure, there's some flavor there, but how much does it actually fill that aching need inside?

Now, with the MLB Network, The Common Man can feast and recharge on the Caribbean World Series now and the World Baseball Classic in the first week of March. Real baseball. Played by guys who care about winning and losing. Watched by fans with an emotional investment in the outcome. How awesome is that? How badly do you need that? The Common Man needs it bad. And so, now, excuse him, because it looks as though Mexico and Puerto Rico are dueling it out as he writes.