Thursday, August 14, 2008

Twin Killing

The Common Man wants to preface this discussion by pointing out that John Edwards, the former presidential and vice-presidential candidate, is an absolute slimeball. To cheat on your wife is bad enough, but to do so while she is battling cancer is a low to which even the lowest men won't sink. You, sir, are a bad husband and father to have put your wife and children through this, and The Common Man hopes that you take every opportunity to make this as easy on them as you possibly can.

That said, this post isn't really about John Edwards. He's scum, but really no different from other prominent politicians who have cheated on their wives (off the top of The Common Man's head, Bill Clinton, Newt Gingrich, Elliot Spitzer, and, yes, John McCain). On a side note, is it that these guys are so deficient in this area of their lives that they feel they need to make up for it by becoming "great" elsewhere? Is that what drives them? The feeling of inadequacy for not being a decent man?

Anyway, this post isn't about them, it's about Rush Limbaugh, the aging mouthpiece of the Old Right, who recently suggested that Edwards's infidelity was Elizabeth Edwards's fault. The Common Man will let Keith Olberman take it from here, briefly:

Finally, it's about time that someone took these women to task for forcing their husbands to cheat with their intelligence and their opinions. And, finally, someone is putting the blame where it squarely belongs, on the victim. Edwards's kids also must share in the blame for being down the hall all the time in their "rooms" while "sleeping." How is a man supposed to get anything done with all that "sleeping" going on.

And it's high time America blames the victims too. After all, so many women wouldn't be raped if they didn't have the temerity, no the sheer audacity, to walk around with vaginas. Indeed, if every woman just left their vaginas at home when they went to a college party or to a bar, there would be a severe plunge in the sexual assault rates in this country.

Rush, of course, has become a caricature of himself, bloated and ornry and loud. The Common Man tries to channel him when he reads Green Eggs and Ham with The Boy, thinking the tone and attitude just perfect for the unnamed Seuss character who's

frightened by new things. But that does not excuse his snide insinuation that cancer-stricken Elizabeth Edwards should "do something with her mouth other than talk" if she wants to keep her man from straying. For picking on cancer victims and for just being a terrible human being, Rush Limbaugh, you ain't no kind of man at all. And you, John Edwards, for opening your wife to such a ridiculous statement from a stain like Limbaugh, you ain't no kind of man neither. The Common Man hereby revokes your manhood and asks you both to just please leave America alone before its Dewmocracy gets any sicker than it already is.

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