The Common Man's brother, The Dentist, is up at the family cabin this weekend. He's brought several friends, who have never left the West Coast, up to the northern woods to celebrate his birthday and to have a week of debauchery and poorly thought-out shenanigans. They are undoubtedly in for some culture and landscape shock, as cell phone signals are spotty and the internet is thought to be something new to catch fish with.
There have been numerous poorly planned activity that the cabin has inspired. Activities that wouldn't fly back at home. Shooting squirrels, for instance. Or turtle-hunting (but not killing, strictly catch-and-release). Inner-tubing behind a 40 year old pontoon boat. And, of course, blowing holes in the beach with mass quantities of fireworks.
The most amusing shenanigans, however, usually revolve around a potato gun. For those not in the know, a potato gun is a long pvc cylinder with a small chamber at the end of it. You load a potato into the cylinder, and fill the chamber with hairspray. When you touch off a sparking mechanism in the chamber, the explosion of hairspray propels the potato high and far.
This has led to a number of almost fatalities in The Common Man's family. The Common Man's father almost had his hair burned off while trying to figure out why the sparking mechanism wasn't firing. The Dentist and Uncle Bob (remember him?) used a motor boat to chase The Common Man's canoe around the lake while firing potato after potato, yelling "Avast! Reload!" over and over. That only resulted in a broken paddle, though the paddle was shielding The Common Man's face at the time. Windows, trees, and cabin walls alike have felt its wrath. The Common Man's grandmother once nearly escaped doing the dishes with her life when a stray shot thudded against the window she was looking out of.
And yet, The Common Man's family (and he himself, frankly) have not learned their lesson. Potato guns are hilarious and the mantra that "this time, everyone will be super careful" is too tempting to not believe. And so, The Common Man presents this video, as a gentle reminder to his brother to be careful, as the nearest hospital is 45 minutes away:
Happy Birthday, bro.