The Common Man has been extremely pleased this week by the response he has gotten to his work, particularly from friend of the blog, Craig Calcaterra, of NBCSports.com's HardballTalk and also the incomparable Rob Neyer, of ESPN.com's Sweetspot. The Common Man greatly appreciates the support, and thanks them and each of you for stopping by this week. This has, by far, been the most successful week ever at The Common Man, and TCM is both proud and humbled (because The Common Man is also a complex man).
To celebrate this week's awesomeness, The Common Man entreats you to enjoy the following absolutely horrible live rendition of a Godawful song. If you can’t take the first two-and-a-half minutes of ear-bleeding terribleness, at least fast forward and watch the last minute of the performance. The whole thing is amateurish and awkward, but the addition of a ceremonial Native American headdress at the end is a good reminder that a) the feelings of Native Americans are still as marginalized today, as are their traditions fetishized, b) there is no limit of idiocy that people will applaud for, and c) that apparently terrible taste in music extends to fashion. Also, it’s a good reminder that the logo of the Cleveland Indians and the name of the Washington football team remain offensive black eyes on professional sports. Man, if you can’t trust someone with a dollar sign in their name to be respectful of the symbols of other cultures, who can you trust?
And if you're unwilling to familiarize yourself with the symbol for all that is wrong with music today, Ke$ha, enjoy an old The Common Man favorite, a Stupid Man Trick:
If only we could combine these two clips somehow.
Showing posts with label Stupid Man Tricks. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Stupid Man Tricks. Show all posts
Friday, March 19, 2010
Monday, February 9, 2009
Stupid Explosion Tricks, or The Common Man Takes the Day Off
After two mega-long weekend posts about A-Rod and the scum of humanity (which are not necessarily the same thing, he feels compelled to remind you), The Common Man is taking it easy today. Maybe by tomorrow the whole A-Rod thing will have blown over and The Common Man can talk about puppies or something. What do you think the odds are? In the meantime, The Common Man doesn't want you to leave empty handed. So, for your amusement, here, is a Stupid Man Trick, courtesy of The Founding Father over at The Mantuary:
Notice how the beer can ricochets solidly off the runner's noggin. That's a powerful arm right there. Like the Roger Clemens of the Preakness Infield. Oh, see. Now The Common Man's talking about steroids again. Will this topic not go away for five minutes?!? To make himself, and you, feel better, here's an explosion. Feel free to picture Clemens, A-Rod, Bonds, Palmeiro, McGwire, and the whole of the mainstream media strapped to a rocket and ready to be shot into space:
Cathartic, no?
Notice how the beer can ricochets solidly off the runner's noggin. That's a powerful arm right there. Like the Roger Clemens of the Preakness Infield. Oh, see. Now The Common Man's talking about steroids again. Will this topic not go away for five minutes?!? To make himself, and you, feel better, here's an explosion. Feel free to picture Clemens, A-Rod, Bonds, Palmeiro, McGwire, and the whole of the mainstream media strapped to a rocket and ready to be shot into space:
Cathartic, no?
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
Welcome One and All
The Common Man has been fortunate enough to be blogrolled by the lovely and delightful Dr. Isis today, and he wishes to welcome any and all of you who visit here from her divine site. If you want a better sense of what the site is about, I'd look here for The Common Man's extended exchange with BikeMonkey on the nature of religion and atheism, here for The Common Man's recommendation of Firefly, the single greatest show ever, and here for The Common Man's treatise on spanking and what he will do to the first teacher who ever lays a hand on The Boy (The Common Man's two-year old son). Or feel free to browse on your own. The Common Man also reviews film, books, and beer, and talks extensively about politics and popular culture. And about being a man, a father, and a son. And, in honor of your visit, here are some fireworks:
And an idiot sticking his hand in an alligator's mouth:
And an idiot sticking his hand in an alligator's mouth:
Sunday, October 5, 2008
Stupid Man Tricks
Baseball's postseason is here, of course, and in honor of AaronGleeman.com's reference to The Common Man on Friday (hello, uptick in traffic!), today The Common Man presents a very special Stupid Man Tricks baseball edition.
The Common Man has watched a lot of baseball over the past 25 years, has read more than he probably should, and retains enough that it hampers his ability to remember things in other parts of his life. When you know that Sam Crawford hit 309 triples, that Kirby Puckett won the 1989 batting title with a .339 average (though he hit .356 the year before, losing to Wade Boggs), and that Carl Yastrezemski was the only player in the American League to bat over .300 in 1968, it leaves little room
for "where did The Common Man leave his car keys?" and "now The Common Man is at the grocery store. What was he supposed to get again?". The Common Man hopes to pass this problem along to The Boy at some point, though with The Common Man's luck, The Boy will probably take to soccer, or worse, competitive diving.
Anyway, by far the most amazing athlete that The Common Man has seen play the game (though nowhere near one of the better players) was Bo Jackson. When Bo hit his homerun off of Rick Reuschel to lead off the '89 All Star Game, The Common Man had never seen a ball hit that hard go that far. He was truly a special talent, capable of doing wonderous things on a baseball field (though not necessarily doing them very often). The only time The Common Man has ever seen anything remotely comparable, in terms of its ability to wow The Common Man, was the time in 2001 when he saw David Ortiz (then with the Twins) hit a homerun agains the Royals with a broken wrist (and Terry Ryan let him get away for NOTHING!).
Anyway, Bo's signature play, perhaps because he did it more than anything else, was the strikeout. No one struck out as wonderfully as Bo Jackson. Not Reggie. Not Bobby Bonds. Not Rob Deer. Nobody. The violence with which Bo swung at every pitch (and he did swing at damn near all of them) was remarkable.
And after being particularly frustrated, would snap his bat over his knee, like some kind of twig. Indeed, never has a man dressed in powder blue seemed so powerful and intimidating.
Bo has had many imitators, and You Tube is full of idiots pretending to be big leaguers by ruining a perfectly good bat (far easier today because of the extreme tapered handles). But back when Bo first did it, it was news. Not just because it was difficult, but because it seemed so viciously destructive. Bat make Bo mad, Bo break bat. He did it with such malice. And with such ease.
In the following video, two gentlemen, writing a story about maple bats and their supposed tendency to break more violently and dangerously than their ash counterparts, have much more difficulty in breaking their bat. They could use a Bo. And a clue.
The Common Man has watched a lot of baseball over the past 25 years, has read more than he probably should, and retains enough that it hampers his ability to remember things in other parts of his life. When you know that Sam Crawford hit 309 triples, that Kirby Puckett won the 1989 batting title with a .339 average (though he hit .356 the year before, losing to Wade Boggs), and that Carl Yastrezemski was the only player in the American League to bat over .300 in 1968, it leaves little room
for "where did The Common Man leave his car keys?" and "now The Common Man is at the grocery store. What was he supposed to get again?". The Common Man hopes to pass this problem along to The Boy at some point, though with The Common Man's luck, The Boy will probably take to soccer, or worse, competitive diving.
Anyway, by far the most amazing athlete that The Common Man has seen play the game (though nowhere near one of the better players) was Bo Jackson. When Bo hit his homerun off of Rick Reuschel to lead off the '89 All Star Game, The Common Man had never seen a ball hit that hard go that far. He was truly a special talent, capable of doing wonderous things on a baseball field (though not necessarily doing them very often). The only time The Common Man has ever seen anything remotely comparable, in terms of its ability to wow The Common Man, was the time in 2001 when he saw David Ortiz (then with the Twins) hit a homerun agains the Royals with a broken wrist (and Terry Ryan let him get away for NOTHING!).Anyway, Bo's signature play, perhaps because he did it more than anything else, was the strikeout. No one struck out as wonderfully as Bo Jackson. Not Reggie. Not Bobby Bonds. Not Rob Deer. Nobody. The violence with which Bo swung at every pitch (and he did swing at damn near all of them) was remarkable.
And after being particularly frustrated, would snap his bat over his knee, like some kind of twig. Indeed, never has a man dressed in powder blue seemed so powerful and intimidating.Bo has had many imitators, and You Tube is full of idiots pretending to be big leaguers by ruining a perfectly good bat (far easier today because of the extreme tapered handles). But back when Bo first did it, it was news. Not just because it was difficult, but because it seemed so viciously destructive. Bat make Bo mad, Bo break bat. He did it with such malice. And with such ease.
In the following video, two gentlemen, writing a story about maple bats and their supposed tendency to break more violently and dangerously than their ash counterparts, have much more difficulty in breaking their bat. They could use a Bo. And a clue.
Sunday, September 21, 2008
Stupid Man Tricks
Perhaps The Common Man's greatest fear is that he'll someday find a food too spicy for him to tackle. For a moment, it seemed as though he had found it. The Fire-In-the-Hole style wings of The Common Man's former haunt definitely are a challenge for any real man, and their spiciness tend to overshadow the flavor of the wing and its sauce. That said, any man wanting to prove his testicular fortitude could do no better.It was with great pride that The Common Man conquered the Fire-In-the-Hole, not because he enjoyed them, but because he enjoyed the knowledge that he could handle the spicy. The Common Man only points this out because a) he hasn't had decent buffalo wings since he got to Wisconsin and is suffering from withdrawal and b) he can totally understand the mindset that causes so many young men to prove themselves through the ingestion of one of God's spiciest creations, the Habanero Pepper. The habanero, typically between 100,000 and 350,000 units on the Scoville scale, represents a true challenge for men everywhere, and is the best and most readily available option for those who want to test their manhood.
But beware, for the Habanero is not for all men. For instance, this young man was full of confidence and bravado, but was chased from the field by the heat.
And as these Morman Missionaries demonstrate, not even the power of prayer is enough to help you escape the heat. Perhaps men are simply lacking the necessary equipment for the job. Indeed, if women can endure the pain of childbirth and the pain of dealing with their menfolk on a regular basis (The Common Wife included), it may simply be best if men left the Habanero eating to their better halfs. Indeed, if this video is any indication, they seem to be better at handling it.
Sunday, September 7, 2008
Saturday Beer Review: Moose Drool Brown Ale
He knows, you've all been waiting with baited breath to see if The Common Man will show today. Well, here he is, boys and girls, in all his glory. Behold and admire him. He's sequestered in his mancave, watching the manliest of sports, pro football, and enjoying many a fine carbonated malt beverage. The world is a strange place: Brett Favre is wearing a different shade of green (since he's a Jet), former LaDanian Tomlinson caddy Michael Turner has 196 yards on the ground for the Falcons (in related news, once again the Lions suck), and the lowly Kanses City Chiefs are keeping it close in New England.
And since this is a topsy-turvy, bizzarro world, The Common Man felt it was appropriate to crack open a Moose Drool Brown Ale in honor of the GOP's vice-presidential nominee, Gov. Sarah Palin.
Palin, of course, has burst onto the political scene in the last week and a half. She has transformed public consciousness, making phrases like "hockey moms," "moose hunting," and "Alaska" part of the national discussion. Indeed, Palin's ability to rally her base and to label herself at once a loving mother (and soon-to-be grandma) and a pitbull has been particularly impressive.
Like Sarah Palin, Moose Drool comes from the northwest part of the country. Brewed in Missoula, Montana by Big Sky Brewing Co., Moose Drool understand the world from which Palin comes, with its harsh winters, its imposing terrain, and its "hockey." Of course, Moose Drool's origins lie further south and east than Palin has tended to roam, but still comes across as a manly, big brew for men who need a lot of flavor in their beer. Indeed, Moose Drool is nothing like the Yard Beer that Kevin, at Return to Manliness, wrote about a month back.
Anyway, like Palin herself, Mosse Drool presents several contrasts. It's name would imply that it's disgusting, yet the label, a serene painting of a moose swimming in a mountain pond,
suggests a cleaner, fresher beer than you're used to. And, like Palin herself, it combines that sweetness with a killer hoppiness that is very bitter. It's the first beer The Common Man has profiled here that's almost better warm, or at least cool. The chill tends to accentuate the beers hoppiness while killing some of the chocolate and carmel flavors that sweetens the aftertaste.
This is a sipping beer, best to have before a good meal, as it will dominate the food you're trying to enjoy. And it's a good beer to drink with a sole friend at dusk. The Common Man, for instance, was introduced to Moose Drool by his good friend, Alto, who is essentially like Arnold Schwarzenegger to The Common Man's Danny DeVito. As they sat at The Common Man's cabin, on the deck overlooking the lake, thinking about the work they had done and the times they had seen together, they both knew that life was good. And that the beer was too.
So, in honor of Sarah Palin, go get yourself a sixer of Moose Drool and enjoy the rest of your weekend. You've worked hard to get to where you are. Or, maybe you're a cynical appeal to two demographics who you think you need to energize in order to win an election. Either way, you deserve it.
Also in honor of Governor Palin, The Common Man presents another installment of Stupid Man Tricks:
That seems to be a poor strategy for hunting moose, being 10 feet away and shooting one in the neck. Also, The Common Man loves how his buddy tries to call the moose back after it a) has just been shot and b) almost killed his companion. That is the definition of friendship, right there, trying to get your pal trampled a second time.
And since this is a topsy-turvy, bizzarro world, The Common Man felt it was appropriate to crack open a Moose Drool Brown Ale in honor of the GOP's vice-presidential nominee, Gov. Sarah Palin.
Palin, of course, has burst onto the political scene in the last week and a half. She has transformed public consciousness, making phrases like "hockey moms," "moose hunting," and "Alaska" part of the national discussion. Indeed, Palin's ability to rally her base and to label herself at once a loving mother (and soon-to-be grandma) and a pitbull has been particularly impressive.
Like Sarah Palin, Moose Drool comes from the northwest part of the country. Brewed in Missoula, Montana by Big Sky Brewing Co., Moose Drool understand the world from which Palin comes, with its harsh winters, its imposing terrain, and its "hockey." Of course, Moose Drool's origins lie further south and east than Palin has tended to roam, but still comes across as a manly, big brew for men who need a lot of flavor in their beer. Indeed, Moose Drool is nothing like the Yard Beer that Kevin, at Return to Manliness, wrote about a month back.Anyway, like Palin herself, Mosse Drool presents several contrasts. It's name would imply that it's disgusting, yet the label, a serene painting of a moose swimming in a mountain pond,
suggests a cleaner, fresher beer than you're used to. And, like Palin herself, it combines that sweetness with a killer hoppiness that is very bitter. It's the first beer The Common Man has profiled here that's almost better warm, or at least cool. The chill tends to accentuate the beers hoppiness while killing some of the chocolate and carmel flavors that sweetens the aftertaste. 
This is a sipping beer, best to have before a good meal, as it will dominate the food you're trying to enjoy. And it's a good beer to drink with a sole friend at dusk. The Common Man, for instance, was introduced to Moose Drool by his good friend, Alto, who is essentially like Arnold Schwarzenegger to The Common Man's Danny DeVito. As they sat at The Common Man's cabin, on the deck overlooking the lake, thinking about the work they had done and the times they had seen together, they both knew that life was good. And that the beer was too.So, in honor of Sarah Palin, go get yourself a sixer of Moose Drool and enjoy the rest of your weekend. You've worked hard to get to where you are. Or, maybe you're a cynical appeal to two demographics who you think you need to energize in order to win an election. Either way, you deserve it.
Also in honor of Governor Palin, The Common Man presents another installment of Stupid Man Tricks:
That seems to be a poor strategy for hunting moose, being 10 feet away and shooting one in the neck. Also, The Common Man loves how his buddy tries to call the moose back after it a) has just been shot and b) almost killed his companion. That is the definition of friendship, right there, trying to get your pal trampled a second time.
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
Stupid Man Tricks
The Common Man's brother, The Dentist, is up at the family cabin this weekend. He's brought several friends, who have never left the West Coast, up to the northern woods to celebrate his birthday and to have a week of debauchery and poorly thought-out shenanigans. They are undoubtedly in for some culture and landscape shock, as cell phone signals are spotty and the internet is thought to be something new to catch fish with.
There have been numerous poorly planned activity that the cabin has inspired. Activities that wouldn't fly back at home. Shooting squirrels, for instance. Or turtle-hunting (but not killing, strictly catch-and-release). Inner-tubing behind a 40 year old pontoon boat. And, of course, blowing holes in the beach with mass quantities of fireworks.
The most amusing shenanigans, however, usually revolve around a potato gun. For those not in the know, a potato gun is a long pvc cylinder with a small chamber at the end of it. You load a potato into the cylinder, and fill the chamber with hairspray. When you touch off a sparking mechanism in the chamber, the explosion of hairspray propels the potato high and far.
This has led to a number of almost fatalities in The Common Man's family. The Common Man's father almost had his hair burned off while trying to figure out why the sparking mechanism wasn't firing. The Dentist and Uncle Bob (remember him?) used a motor boat to chase The Common Man's canoe around the lake while firing potato after potato, yelling "Avast! Reload!" over and over. That only resulted in a broken paddle, though the paddle was shielding The Common Man's face at the time. Windows, trees, and cabin walls alike have felt its wrath. The Common Man's grandmother once nearly escaped doing the dishes with her life when a stray shot thudded against the window she was looking out of.
And yet, The Common Man's family (and he himself, frankly) have not learned their lesson. Potato guns are hilarious and the mantra that "this time, everyone will be super careful" is too tempting to not believe. And so, The Common Man presents this video, as a gentle reminder to his brother to be careful, as the nearest hospital is 45 minutes away:
Happy Birthday, bro.
There have been numerous poorly planned activity that the cabin has inspired. Activities that wouldn't fly back at home. Shooting squirrels, for instance. Or turtle-hunting (but not killing, strictly catch-and-release). Inner-tubing behind a 40 year old pontoon boat. And, of course, blowing holes in the beach with mass quantities of fireworks.
The most amusing shenanigans, however, usually revolve around a potato gun. For those not in the know, a potato gun is a long pvc cylinder with a small chamber at the end of it. You load a potato into the cylinder, and fill the chamber with hairspray. When you touch off a sparking mechanism in the chamber, the explosion of hairspray propels the potato high and far.
This has led to a number of almost fatalities in The Common Man's family. The Common Man's father almost had his hair burned off while trying to figure out why the sparking mechanism wasn't firing. The Dentist and Uncle Bob (remember him?) used a motor boat to chase The Common Man's canoe around the lake while firing potato after potato, yelling "Avast! Reload!" over and over. That only resulted in a broken paddle, though the paddle was shielding The Common Man's face at the time. Windows, trees, and cabin walls alike have felt its wrath. The Common Man's grandmother once nearly escaped doing the dishes with her life when a stray shot thudded against the window she was looking out of.
And yet, The Common Man's family (and he himself, frankly) have not learned their lesson. Potato guns are hilarious and the mantra that "this time, everyone will be super careful" is too tempting to not believe. And so, The Common Man presents this video, as a gentle reminder to his brother to be careful, as the nearest hospital is 45 minutes away:
Happy Birthday, bro.
Thursday, August 14, 2008
Stupid Man Tricks: Olympic Special
The Common Man is inspired today by the performance of American athletes at the Beijing Olympics. At 34 total medals (10 gold), they are second in the medal count, just one behind the host country. A cynical man may note that China has 22 golds, and that 5 of America's golds have been won (at least in part) by the ridiculous Michael Phelps. While true, it's worth noting that China has roughly three times the population of the United States, a much larger pool from which to draw, and may be threatening to kill a box full of adorable puppies for each event a Chinese athlete does not win.
The athletes The Common Man has seen have been amazingly agile, strong, and fast. They have displayed control over their bodies and skills that they execute with machine-like precision. And so it is in their honor that The Common Man presents a very special double-bonus Olympics version of Stupid Man Tricks. These aren't stupid, per se, but they do look painful. As a word of warning, to get to one of them, you will have to sit through 15 seconds of professional brother-of-a-funny person Jim Belushi. Which could almost count as a Stupid Man Trick in and of itself:
The athletes The Common Man has seen have been amazingly agile, strong, and fast. They have displayed control over their bodies and skills that they execute with machine-like precision. And so it is in their honor that The Common Man presents a very special double-bonus Olympics version of Stupid Man Tricks. These aren't stupid, per se, but they do look painful. As a word of warning, to get to one of them, you will have to sit through 15 seconds of professional brother-of-a-funny person Jim Belushi. Which could almost count as a Stupid Man Trick in and of itself:
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
Stupid Man Tricks
The Common Man is baffled that this may be the last time baseball is offered as an Olympic sport. Despite the game's populartity worldwide (particularly in South America, Asia, and the Caribbean), Olympic organizers have elected to drop the (Inter)national Pastime from its roster after twenty years, and it will not be offered in 2012. The IOC has determined that baseball is too expensive (an olympic baseball stadium would need to be built in most host cities) and not compelling enough. Meanwhile, this year, BMX bike racing has been added to the slate at the world's premiere sporting event, and seemingly will continue to be part of the games for the foreseeable future. The International Baseball Federation is trying to get baseball reintroduced in 2016, but has been unsuccessful thusfar.
In related news, basketball will be replaced in 2016 by this young man and his amazing lighter tricks (warning: some of the language is NSFW) as the International Olympic Committee seeks to make its product worse with much cheaper and stupider "sports":
In related news, basketball will be replaced in 2016 by this young man and his amazing lighter tricks (warning: some of the language is NSFW) as the International Olympic Committee seeks to make its product worse with much cheaper and stupider "sports":
Sunday, August 10, 2008
Stupid Man Tricks
The Common Man just finished watching Will Smith in The Pursuit of Happyness with The Uncommon Wife, a nice end to a very fun day. The film follows Chris Gardner, an unsuccessful medical equipment salesman who unexpectedly lands an unpaid internship at Dean Witter after his wife leaves him and his young son. The film is a classic bootstraps story, like Ragged Dick put on film, made more compelling and credible because it's based on a true story.
Because Smith's character works tirelessly alone, against incredible odds, to build up his new career, all in an effort to be a responsible father to his boy, this is a terribly manly, and moving movie. That said, it does not, at this point, qualify as a d^#k flick, because of a distinct lack of explosions/action. So, obviously, there's something deficient in The Common Man's system. After all, when this:
qualifies as a D*#k Flick, and The Pursuit of Happyness doesn't, it may be time to revise the formula.
Because Smith's character works tirelessly alone, against incredible odds, to build up his new career, all in an effort to be a responsible father to his boy, this is a terribly manly, and moving movie. That said, it does not, at this point, qualify as a d^#k flick, because of a distinct lack of explosions/action. So, obviously, there's something deficient in The Common Man's system. After all, when this:
qualifies as a D*#k Flick, and The Pursuit of Happyness doesn't, it may be time to revise the formula.
Thursday, August 7, 2008
Stupid Man Tricks
The Common Man is nursing himself back to health today (not that he was sick), using a manly remedy from the old country, a mixture of yak urine, raw emu egg, and generic, Target-brand Robitussen. So far, so good. But as he sat here, resisting the urge to cough, Hayden, at Persistent Illusion, reminds him that there are people in the world with far bigger problems that make The Common Man's death rattle inconsequential by comparison. For instance, this moron is about to lose his foot to gangrene:
Make sure you have the volume up so you can here his foot creak/scream in agony at the tail end there. This is not normal behavior, even for a dude. Is there some kind of epoxy foot-fetish out there The Common Man is not aware of? And how raw would he have had to rub his foot to get all that junk off? Or is this finally the solution to the problem of expensive sneakers for men who are tough enough to drown their foot in epoxy?
Make sure you have the volume up so you can here his foot creak/scream in agony at the tail end there. This is not normal behavior, even for a dude. Is there some kind of epoxy foot-fetish out there The Common Man is not aware of? And how raw would he have had to rub his foot to get all that junk off? Or is this finally the solution to the problem of expensive sneakers for men who are tough enough to drown their foot in epoxy?
Tuesday, August 5, 2008
Stupid Man Tricks
Unlike most of you, he assumes, The Common Man has never understood the male infatuation with guns. He remembers the first time he shot a handgun, his Uncle Bob (shouldn't every man have an Uncle Bob?) took The Common Man and The Common Man's brother, The Dentist, out into the Arizona desert for a night of camping and shooting at targets. First, he brought out the 9 mm automatic, a rather light gun with little recoil. Very easy to use. He followed that up by showing off his .357 Magnum, a massive revolver that you always should use in conjunction with earplugs. Uncle Bob, however, had forgotten all about the earplugs in his pocket, and neglected to warn The Common Man ahead of time that, the concussive boom of the .357 would render the world mute for a full two minutes while The Common Man's ears rang like the bells of St. Mary's on Sunday.
It would have been nice to have that warning, as the disorientation and ringing prompted The Common Man to put down the firearm on a nearby rock and back away to a safe distance. So ended The Common Man's real interest in shooting things. Grocery stores seem far more practical for The Common Man's carnivorous needs and there is less chance of permanent hearing damage. Plus, how manly is it really to shoot something? Isn't it far more manly simply to pummel your opponent (be they human, animal, vegitable, or mineral) into submission with your powerful fists of fury? It's what Chuck Norris would do, isn't it?
And anyway, it's not like the advocates of gun safety are likely to be able to teach The Common Man much to change his mind:
The Common Man agrees whole-heartedly with the girl who kindly asks officer doofus to put away the assault rifle, since he had just proven he can't be trusted to remember the one in the chamber. The Common Man does support your right to own and operate a firearm, just please don't do it anywhere near him or his son. At least not without earplugs.
Anyway, this brings us to our poll question of the week. Is it manly to use guns (aside from the two you have attached to your shoulders, of course, fellas)? Let the voting begin.
* Yes, The Common Man knows he's blatantly ripping off the "Is it manly..." poll question idea directly from Artofmanliness.com. But plagiarism is the ultimate form of flattery.
It would have been nice to have that warning, as the disorientation and ringing prompted The Common Man to put down the firearm on a nearby rock and back away to a safe distance. So ended The Common Man's real interest in shooting things. Grocery stores seem far more practical for The Common Man's carnivorous needs and there is less chance of permanent hearing damage. Plus, how manly is it really to shoot something? Isn't it far more manly simply to pummel your opponent (be they human, animal, vegitable, or mineral) into submission with your powerful fists of fury? It's what Chuck Norris would do, isn't it?
And anyway, it's not like the advocates of gun safety are likely to be able to teach The Common Man much to change his mind:
The Common Man agrees whole-heartedly with the girl who kindly asks officer doofus to put away the assault rifle, since he had just proven he can't be trusted to remember the one in the chamber. The Common Man does support your right to own and operate a firearm, just please don't do it anywhere near him or his son. At least not without earplugs.
Anyway, this brings us to our poll question of the week. Is it manly to use guns (aside from the two you have attached to your shoulders, of course, fellas)? Let the voting begin.
* Yes, The Common Man knows he's blatantly ripping off the "Is it manly..." poll question idea directly from Artofmanliness.com. But plagiarism is the ultimate form of flattery.
Sunday, August 3, 2008
Common Musings and Stupid Man Tricks
Random observations from a weekend in Pennsylvania and Delaware...
- When it appeared that The Common Man, The Uncommon Wife, and The Boy would be stuck in the Detroit airport until one in the morning, waiting for their flight to Baltimore to take off, Sue and Renee of Northwest Airlines worked together to rebook us on a flight to Philadelphia as The Common Family was running through the airport to catch the new plane. Their calm and reassuring demeanors made what could have been a gut-wrenching experience into a bearable one. And though the luggage didn't make the trip with The Common Man, it was delivered promptly the next day. Thank you to Sue and Renee, and to Northwest Airlines. You will be receiving a thank you letter shortly.
- Delaware seems as intent on discouraging visitors as Northwest Airlines was on keeping customers. Though the state seemingly has little going for it (hey there, Delaware readers!) aside from no sales tax, the state charges $4 to get in, and $4 to leave it. Also, to get to the good part of Delaware, the one with the beaches, you have to pay another $2 coming and going. All told, The Common Man paid the state of Delaware $13.15 for the "privilege" of being there.
- And for his $13.15, The Common Man got to drive through a blinding thunderstorm to get to his friends' wedding. It was scheduled to be on the beach at 9 AM, but the rain wouldn't allow it. The wedding was postponed for the next day, when they played a double-wedder.
- Speaking of inappropriate puns, The Common Man was endlessly amused by Crabby Dick's, undoubtedly the least popular seafood restaurant in Rehoboth Beach. Dick, according to the story provided by the restaurant's website, was looking for a mate. And "Anita was also well kown [sic] by the local sailors that came into the port. You see, Anita had been “around The Block” and was looking for a jimmy to call her own." It's an old story. Boy meets girl, boy gets girl, boy gets crabs from girl who had been hanging out with sailors before meeting boy.
- For the most inappropriately arousing anthropomorphic crab, click here.
- The Boy hit the beach for the first time this weekend. He liked the ocean at first, as it came up and rushed over his feet. And he liked it when it rushed in and hit him in the midsection. He became less amused when a wave hit him in the chest and the water bounced up into his face. But he got over it and managed to escape without a sunburn. Unlike The Uncommon Wife. Who now is approximately the color of that crab above. The Common Man, of course, is too much of a man for the sun to hurt him. He remains nicely toasted.
- Tonight The Common Man, et al, return from whence they came, flying from Philly to Detroit to Madison. Here's hoping that there are no hiccups this time around, like this idiot, who apparently forgot to wait for the plane to land:
It's a wonder men survive long enough to propagate the species.
- When it appeared that The Common Man, The Uncommon Wife, and The Boy would be stuck in the Detroit airport until one in the morning, waiting for their flight to Baltimore to take off, Sue and Renee of Northwest Airlines worked together to rebook us on a flight to Philadelphia as The Common Family was running through the airport to catch the new plane. Their calm and reassuring demeanors made what could have been a gut-wrenching experience into a bearable one. And though the luggage didn't make the trip with The Common Man, it was delivered promptly the next day. Thank you to Sue and Renee, and to Northwest Airlines. You will be receiving a thank you letter shortly.
- Delaware seems as intent on discouraging visitors as Northwest Airlines was on keeping customers. Though the state seemingly has little going for it (hey there, Delaware readers!) aside from no sales tax, the state charges $4 to get in, and $4 to leave it. Also, to get to the good part of Delaware, the one with the beaches, you have to pay another $2 coming and going. All told, The Common Man paid the state of Delaware $13.15 for the "privilege" of being there.
- And for his $13.15, The Common Man got to drive through a blinding thunderstorm to get to his friends' wedding. It was scheduled to be on the beach at 9 AM, but the rain wouldn't allow it. The wedding was postponed for the next day, when they played a double-wedder.
- Speaking of inappropriate puns, The Common Man was endlessly amused by Crabby Dick's, undoubtedly the least popular seafood restaurant in Rehoboth Beach. Dick, according to the story provided by the restaurant's website, was looking for a mate. And "Anita was also well kown [sic] by the local sailors that came into the port. You see, Anita had been “around The Block” and was looking for a jimmy to call her own." It's an old story. Boy meets girl, boy gets girl, boy gets crabs from girl who had been hanging out with sailors before meeting boy.- For the most inappropriately arousing anthropomorphic crab, click here.
- The Boy hit the beach for the first time this weekend. He liked the ocean at first, as it came up and rushed over his feet. And he liked it when it rushed in and hit him in the midsection. He became less amused when a wave hit him in the chest and the water bounced up into his face. But he got over it and managed to escape without a sunburn. Unlike The Uncommon Wife. Who now is approximately the color of that crab above. The Common Man, of course, is too much of a man for the sun to hurt him. He remains nicely toasted.- Tonight The Common Man, et al, return from whence they came, flying from Philly to Detroit to Madison. Here's hoping that there are no hiccups this time around, like this idiot, who apparently forgot to wait for the plane to land:
It's a wonder men survive long enough to propagate the species.
Thursday, July 31, 2008
Stupid Man Tricks?
The other day, The Common Man may have endorsed texting on your motorcycle, car, unicycle, or ornithopter as a way of saving time and being able to be with your family at home. As it turns out, that may not have been a well-thought out endorsement. According to one NPR story (sorry, no link), and to virtually every other news organization on the planet (seriously, just type texting while driving on YouTube), it turns out that texting on the move often has very serious repercussionsons. Color The Common Man shocked, but emergency rooms are seeing more and more accidents involving drivers and walkers who aren't watching where they're going. And it has led to extra padding for one London neighborhood:
Now, although the texters in the story are all male, it's worth pointing out that this is a problem that affects both men and women (particularly young men and women). But finally, someone is doing something about it. Someone is finally making multi-texting (multi-tasking + texting) safe and feasible. And of course, it's a man (or men) doing it:
Thanks fellas, you have made it safe for men to be stupid again. And The Common Man (who is the slowest texter in the short history of texters) salutes you for helping to make future stupid man trick videos possible.
Now, although the texters in the story are all male, it's worth pointing out that this is a problem that affects both men and women (particularly young men and women). But finally, someone is doing something about it. Someone is finally making multi-texting (multi-tasking + texting) safe and feasible. And of course, it's a man (or men) doing it:
Thanks fellas, you have made it safe for men to be stupid again. And The Common Man (who is the slowest texter in the short history of texters) salutes you for helping to make future stupid man trick videos possible.
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
Stupid Man Tricks
Sure, gas prices have dropped a little in recent days. Why, it's even under $4.00/gallon in The Common Man's neck of the woods. But that doesn't mean that the oil and gas crisis is in the rearview mirror. Indeed, this brief respite, and the relief people feel at paying only $3.85 per gallon only underscores how broken the national infrastructure and transportation system is. Over at Return to Manliness, Kevin is arguing that U.S. drivers need some tough love, "High gas prices are here to stay and we must adjust several aspects of our lives before the pain starts to subside. Nobody is coming to the rescue. We must do what every generation has done before us and sacrifice today for tomorrow’s security and success." Though his ideas are extreme, many of his proposals, such as making driving within downtown areas prohibitively expensive (as London did), increasing the number of carpool lanes at the expense of regular lanes, and ending new road construction in favor of mass transit construction, can help set the tone for an America that is more independent of foreign oil.
Inspired by Return to Manliness, this individual is doing his part to help end the gas crisis:
He has since, undoubtedly, traded in his gas-guzzling pickup truck for a new Prius, and delivered a profound statement about American energy consumption. That message? The United States is headed straight for a telephone pole of disproportionate oil imports and unimaginably high prices, and it will crash suddenly and violently if someone doesn't get off the damn roof, back in the car, and turn the wheel.
Inspired by Return to Manliness, this individual is doing his part to help end the gas crisis:
He has since, undoubtedly, traded in his gas-guzzling pickup truck for a new Prius, and delivered a profound statement about American energy consumption. That message? The United States is headed straight for a telephone pole of disproportionate oil imports and unimaginably high prices, and it will crash suddenly and violently if someone doesn't get off the damn roof, back in the car, and turn the wheel.
Sunday, July 27, 2008
Stupid Man Tricks
The Common Man is suffering from survivor's guilt today. Both The Boy and The Uncommon Wife have been felled by a mysterious flu bug. That survivor's guilt is important. It demonstrates empathy, genuine human compassion. That's something that is missing more and more in today's men, the ability to genuinely empathize with others. Take for instance the friends of this young man:
After he obliterates himself up against that pillar, their primary concern is for him to slide the rest of the way down (undoubtedly hoping to watch him splat again). Wouldn't the world be a better place if people weren't so eager to watch their friends break their bodies by slammming into pillars? Sure, it's funny to watch, but shouldn't you be the least bit horrified/remorseful at the site of your buddy upside-down between two escalators?
After he obliterates himself up against that pillar, their primary concern is for him to slide the rest of the way down (undoubtedly hoping to watch him splat again). Wouldn't the world be a better place if people weren't so eager to watch their friends break their bodies by slammming into pillars? Sure, it's funny to watch, but shouldn't you be the least bit horrified/remorseful at the site of your buddy upside-down between two escalators?
Thursday, July 24, 2008
Stupid Man Tricks
The world is seemingly getting busier every day. Suburbanization has only added to this burden, as The Art of Manliness points out, as people try to micromanage every aspect of their existence and keep up with the proverbial Joneses. What's more, suburbanization has taken more men (and women) further away from the home. Because of dreadful commutes that can last an hour or more each way, there is less time for family interaction. And if you have to bring work home with you, forget it. You might as well never see your children. This is not a uniquely American problem, as many families struggle to come together around the globe.
So it is in the spirit of family that The Common Man suggests using your time creatively. Multi-task. Do whatever you can to be with your children when you're home with your children, and your spouse when you're home with your spouse. After all, taking care of your family is the most manly thing that you can do. And if you need help thinking of ways to get more done during the day, here's one to get you started:
Now that is a dedicated father.
So it is in the spirit of family that The Common Man suggests using your time creatively. Multi-task. Do whatever you can to be with your children when you're home with your children, and your spouse when you're home with your spouse. After all, taking care of your family is the most manly thing that you can do. And if you need help thinking of ways to get more done during the day, here's one to get you started:
Now that is a dedicated father.
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
Stupid Man Tricks
Sometimes life is frustrating. Schaefer's Blog has been running an interesting series of posts on failure, which The Common Man heartily endorses. Not failure. The articles. The articles on failure. Those are excellent. Schaefer explores the need to not look at the failure itself, but the underlying cause(s) of the failure, using the Columbia disaster as an example. The Common Man would also recommend reading Jared Diamond's follow-up to the Pulitzer Prize winning Guns, Germs, and Steel, Collapse: How Societies Choose to Fail or Succeed for similar thoughts.
Anyway, in honor of Schaefer's insight, and the frustration of failure that makes men want to bash their heads into the wall, The Common Man presents you with this:
Perhaps this man was being too literal. Larry Bird must be very proud.
Anyway, in honor of Schaefer's insight, and the frustration of failure that makes men want to bash their heads into the wall, The Common Man presents you with this:
Perhaps this man was being too literal. Larry Bird must be very proud.
Friday, July 18, 2008
Stupid Man Tricks
Presented without comment, except that The Common Man can honestly say he has never been this bored.
And people wonder why Minnesota has banned fireworks.
And people wonder why Minnesota has banned fireworks.
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
Stupid Man Tricks
Here's the latest installment of stupid stuff men do. It's not as destructive or as awesome as exploded whale chunks, but it is proof that, if you get enough ex-fraternity brothers and enough beer together, guys will try damn near anything. The Common Man cannot urge you enough to not try this at home, no matter how drunk you get on Leinenkugel's Berryweiss. Go ahead, try not to cringe.
The amazing thing, to The Common Man, is the reaction that follows from the golfer and the peanut gallery. First, The Common Man would not let anyone short of Tiger Woods hit a golf ball off his face, but assuming he had had a LOT of Berryweiss and agreed to this idiocy, he'd pick a golfer he was reasonably sure could do the job without causing thousands of dollars of reconstructive dental surgery. The "I can't believe I actually pulled it off response from the golfer and the amazement of the crowd of idiots egging him on suggests that none of them had confidence in this ending well. At this point, The Common Man man would be nervously smoking a cigarette and shaking in the corner, mumbling "so close, so so close."
One final thought, how come nobody is congratulating and celebrating the dummy who risked the shape and functionality of his face to bring everyone such a spectacular and stupidly compelling video. That man deserves some glory. And another beer.
The amazing thing, to The Common Man, is the reaction that follows from the golfer and the peanut gallery. First, The Common Man would not let anyone short of Tiger Woods hit a golf ball off his face, but assuming he had had a LOT of Berryweiss and agreed to this idiocy, he'd pick a golfer he was reasonably sure could do the job without causing thousands of dollars of reconstructive dental surgery. The "I can't believe I actually pulled it off response from the golfer and the amazement of the crowd of idiots egging him on suggests that none of them had confidence in this ending well. At this point, The Common Man man would be nervously smoking a cigarette and shaking in the corner, mumbling "so close, so so close."
One final thought, how come nobody is congratulating and celebrating the dummy who risked the shape and functionality of his face to bring everyone such a spectacular and stupidly compelling video. That man deserves some glory. And another beer.
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