Ring, ring

The Common Man's got nothing today. He stayed up late last night again for no good reason, and The Boy tickled his father's feet awake at 6:00. The Common Man basically just wants to find a mattress somewhere and make up the sleep he missed, but he knows that he's got work to do. So he's phoning this one in. The Common Man is not complaining, mind you. If he's going to be woken up by anyone before his alarm goes off, it's better to be a 20 month old in froggy pajamas than anything else. It's impossible to be mad at anyone wearing froggy pajams, after all. The Common Man defies you to be mad at anyone in froggy pajamas, especially if they are carrying a Tickle-Me Elmo. Just try not to smile at them. See, you can't do it.

Anyway, The Common Man is way unfocused this afternoon and just can't bring himself to blog about anything meaningful. So he promises a double-poster tomorrow, after he gets a full night's sleep and retaliates by waking his son up playing Revelie on his trumpet at 6:00 in the morning. In the meantime, enjoy the great Ernest Borgnine, star of The Dirty Dozen, The Wild Bunch, The Poseidon Adventure (The Common Man's favorite guilty pleasure movie), Escape From New York, and McHale's Navy explaine to the Fox News morning crew how he stays so young-looking. When you're 91, you can say anything you want, in The Common Man's book, as long as you don't go all Mel Gibson.

(warning: this is probably safe for work, but keep the volume low anyway)



I JUST SHOOK HIS HAND! That'll teach them to pretend to be interested in what an old man has to say.

Twin Killing

The Common Man wants to preface this discussion by pointing out that John Edwards, the former presidential and vice-presidential candidate, is an absolute slimeball. To cheat on your wife is bad enough, but to do so while she is battling cancer is a low to which even the lowest men won't sink. You, sir, are a bad husband and father to have put your wife and children through this, and The Common Man hopes that you take every opportunity to make this as easy on them as you possibly can.

That said, this post isn't really about John Edwards. He's scum, but really no different from other prominent politicians who have cheated on their wives (off the top of The Common Man's head, Bill Clinton, Newt Gingrich, Elliot Spitzer, and, yes, John McCain). On a side note, is it that these guys are so deficient in this area of their lives that they feel they need to make up for it by becoming "great" elsewhere? Is that what drives them? The feeling of inadequacy for not being a decent man?

Anyway, this post isn't about them, it's about Rush Limbaugh, the aging mouthpiece of the Old Right, who recently suggested that Edwards's infidelity was Elizabeth Edwards's fault. The Common Man will let Keith Olberman take it from here, briefly:



Finally, it's about time that someone took these women to task for forcing their husbands to cheat with their intelligence and their opinions. And, finally, someone is putting the blame where it squarely belongs, on the victim. Edwards's kids also must share in the blame for being down the hall all the time in their "rooms" while "sleeping." How is a man supposed to get anything done with all that "sleeping" going on.

And it's high time America blames the victims too. After all, so many women wouldn't be raped if they didn't have the temerity, no the sheer audacity, to walk around with vaginas. Indeed, if every woman just left their vaginas at home when they went to a college party or to a bar, there would be a severe plunge in the sexual assault rates in this country.

Rush, of course, has become a caricature of himself, bloated and ornry and loud. The Common Man tries to channel him when he reads Green Eggs and Ham with The Boy, thinking the tone and attitude just perfect for the unnamed Seuss character who's

frightened by new things. But that does not excuse his snide insinuation that cancer-stricken Elizabeth Edwards should "do something with her mouth other than talk" if she wants to keep her man from straying. For picking on cancer victims and for just being a terrible human being, Rush Limbaugh, you ain't no kind of man at all. And you, John Edwards, for opening your wife to such a ridiculous statement from a stain like Limbaugh, you ain't no kind of man neither. The Common Man hereby revokes your manhood and asks you both to just please leave America alone before its Dewmocracy gets any sicker than it already is.

Stupid Man Tricks: Olympic Special

The Common Man is inspired today by the performance of American athletes at the Beijing Olympics. At 34 total medals (10 gold), they are second in the medal count, just one behind the host country. A cynical man may note that China has 22 golds, and that 5 of America's golds have been won (at least in part) by the ridiculous Michael Phelps. While true, it's worth noting that China has roughly three times the population of the United States, a much larger pool from which to draw, and may be threatening to kill a box full of adorable puppies for each event a Chinese athlete does not win.

The athletes The Common Man has seen have been amazingly agile, strong, and fast. They have displayed control over their bodies and skills that they execute with machine-like precision. And so it is in their honor that The Common Man presents a very special double-bonus Olympics version of Stupid Man Tricks. These aren't stupid, per se, but they do look painful. As a word of warning, to get to one of them, you will have to sit through 15 seconds of professional brother-of-a-funny person Jim Belushi. Which could almost count as a Stupid Man Trick in and of itself:

State of the Blog

The Common Man is celebrating tonight, even though the Twins aren't in first place. Yesterday, The Common Man was part of the weekly Manival, a carnival of blogs by, for, and/or about men at Discovering Dad.com. It was an honor to be included, and The Common Man tips his hat to the other fine men who made this week's list. The day saw a huge uptick in traffic here, and The Common Man is grateful for each and every new reader. He invites you to come back often, as he updates the site with new material daily (and sometimes more than that).

For you newbies, this is a site about men and the things men should care about. The Common Man is tired of Hollywood and Fox News and French make-up designers telling him what manliness is. No, in true manly style, The Common Man, a real man if there ever was one, will tell you what manliness is. And what men should do. And watch. And say. And how they should feel (numb is good, or at least faking numbness and fear that you're not stifling your emotions enough).

It's a place where you'll find posts about family, beer, stupid things men do (because to do things without thinking is manly), sports, film, tv, politics, and, of course, explosions. Big ones. The Common Man looks forward to interacting with each and every one of you. So surf around a while. Read some stuff. And come back soon. And thanks for making your way here in the first place.

What You Should Have Been Watching: Firefly

Men are busy creatures. There's the hunting and scavenging for food. The protection of the women and children. The bowling and softball leagues. And because of their limited time, men must be picky and choosy about what they will watch on the television (that is in no way sports related). Since it's still the boring summer months, when awesome television like Lost and The Office and 30 Rock and CSI: New York (just testing to see if you're paying attention) is on vacation, The Common Man has decided to let you in on the shows you probably missed because you were too busy. These shows are gone now. Gone like dinosaurs, Rubik's Cubes, and Ted Danson's hair. But through the magic of the Digital Video Disk, you have the opportunity to check these shows out in what little spare time you have. Here's the first installment of: What You Should Have Been Watching.

Any list of the best television programs of the last five years (just getting this in under the gun here) must include the very short-lived Joss Whedon series, Firefly. Whedon, of course, is best known for his awesome cult classic Buffy the Vampire Slayer and the slightly less awesome, but probably more philosophically interesting, Angel. His follow-up to those shows, Firefly marked a drastic departure from anything seen on television before. It fused the Western and Sci-Fi genres seemlessly, creating an outer space that felt like Dodge City.

The show takes place in the distant future, after humanity has left the earth and found a new solar system to inhabit, but the outer planets have yet to achieve real technological sophistication. As such, there's a certain lawlessness that pervades these brave new worlds. The central focus of the show, a nine-member crew of a cargo vessel (Serenity), operates within this lawlessness. Thieving, smuggling, and (very occasionally) doing good works while trying to stay off of the central government's radar. Picture the Jesse James Gang meets Treasure Island meets (the good) Star Wars, with a little bit of Das Boot thrown in.

The casting is excellent, though almost all the actors began the series as unknowns. Nathan Fillion shines as the morally complicated captain of the ship, but the series allows shipmates Gina Torres, Alan Tudyk, Jewel Staite, Summer Glau, and especially Adam Baldwin equal opportunities to be in the spotlight. It truly is an ensemble show, and each character plays a seemingly central role in each episode. There are no wasted moments, no throwaway lines, and no small parts.

And Firefly looks different from any show that came before it because of technological advances Whedon was smart enough to take advantage of before anyone else. Whedon's crew shoots with handicams throughout the episode. This gives the each scene greater energy and intimacy, as the viewer seems to be spying on the characters most private and harrowing moments. And Whedon was also able to benefit from incredible advances in CGI technology that would allow his exterior shots of the ship, space stations, planets, and space to appear more real. They go in and out of focus, and the "camera" capturing them shakes. Lens flares pop realistically. Since then, of course, Whedon's technique has been immitated by the creators of the wildly popular Battlestar Galactica and by George Lucas in the new Star Wars films, and by JJ Abrams in Cloverfield.

The story of the show's problems with Fox television have become part of its legend. The network wouldn't let Whedon show the pilot episode, instead demanding he write a new first episode in three days. And it kept pre-empting Firefly and changing its timeslot without warning. Sadly, after showing just 11 episodes (though 14 were shot), the series was canceled. Since then, it has gained second life on the DVD market, and you can pick it up for $20. The episodes have been rearranged into the proper sequence and augmented with excellent commentaries. And the film Serenity, released in 2005, continues (and perhaps completes) the story.

So why is The Common Man recommending this to you, other than the fact that it's an excellent show? Because Nathan Fillion, as Malcolm Reynolds, epitomizes manliness.


He is stalwart and true to his word. He protects his crew and disciplines them like a father. He guards his emotions closely, hiding his anger, pain, and sadness behind pithy jokes and stubborness. He may not always do what's legal, but he ultimately does what's right and accepts the consequences of his actions. He's complicated, but moral, in a time when morality is in short supply. Also, explosions. And shooting. And efficient use of space. And all nature of other awesome manly things.

Because it died so young, it shouldn't take you long to fly through the show, thereby getting you ready for The Common Man's next recommendation, which should come down to you shortly.

Stupid Man Tricks

The Common Man is baffled that this may be the last time baseball is offered as an Olympic sport. Despite the game's populartity worldwide (particularly in South America, Asia, and the Caribbean), Olympic organizers have elected to drop the (Inter)national Pastime from its roster after twenty years, and it will not be offered in 2012. The IOC has determined that baseball is too expensive (an olympic baseball stadium would need to be built in most host cities) and not compelling enough. Meanwhile, this year, BMX bike racing has been added to the slate at the world's premiere sporting event, and seemingly will continue to be part of the games for the foreseeable future. The International Baseball Federation is trying to get baseball reintroduced in 2016, but has been unsuccessful thusfar.

In related news, basketball will be replaced in 2016 by this young man and his amazing lighter tricks (warning: some of the language is NSFW) as the International Olympic Committee seeks to make its product worse with much cheaper and stupider "sports":

Manhood Endangered

The Common Man was shocked, shocked to find out that the President of the United States, the cowboy-ish, brush-clearin'-est, manly man who doubles as an enthusiastic and shameless Olympics attendee (while his economy is in shambles and his soldiers are at war), is prone to equally enthusiastic and shameless unmanliness. Indeed, for eight years now, though The Common Man has never been overly pleased with who was running the show, he at least believed that the President was a decent man.

Then, today, comes the news that, while he's out of town, his administration they will sweep away with 35 years of precedent and cut the heart out of the Endangered Species Act with the



stroke of the President's pen. According to the memo leaked to the Associated Press, "The Bush administration wants federal agencies to decide for themselves whether highways, dams, mines and other construction projects might harm endangered animals and plants." The current rules require all federal agencies to consult the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service to determine whether their projects pose a risk to already endangered animals. The President's proposal argues that it's better to bumble blindly ahead, rather than "err on the side of caution."

What is particularly troubling, however, is just how cowardly the President's proposal is. Though famously elected with a surplus of "political capital" to spend, President Bush has squandered his capital through his administration's deception and mismanagement. And because he does not have the will or ability to win a public debate on what will undoubtedly be, at least initially, an unpopular policy, the President chooses to ignore his obligation to listen to his constituents and thumb his nose at his opponents in the Congress.

His action is akin to leaving a saloon, and firing a parting shot before riding out of town. Instead of sticking around for a fight, the President is planning to radically shift federal policy four months before he runs out of town, leaving a fight for the next guy.

Don't get The Common Man wrong, there is manliness in doing what you know is right, and damning the consequences. Had the administration done this three years ago, it would have been manly, because his decision would have had real consequences for him. But a man must be willing to stand up for his convictions, rather than ducking out of the room after starting trouble. Congress is in recess and has little time to mount any kind of organized response. It's ultimately another disappointment from a disappointing presidency. But it's the one that finally makes The Common Man say, Mr. President, you are ultimately a coward. And you ain't no kind of man at all.