Monday, March 21, 2011

The Twins Facial-Hair Face-Off: The Final Three-Way Battle Royale!

By The Common Man

Well, this is it. We’ve reached the end of the line. And just two men remain standing. But they’re in for a surprise in the finals. But first, the results of the Semi-Final voting:

Face-Off #1
#1 Ken Landreaux vs. #1 Gary Gaetti
Landreaux 75.5%
Gaetti 24.5%
It’s hard to blame the G-Man here. Ken Landreaux’s mustache and side-burns combo is epic.

Face-Off #2
#5 Rick Aguilera vs. #2 Carl Pavano
Aguilera 32.1%
Pavano 67.9%
Aggy’s Cinderella run ends when it runs into the Pav-stache. Bow down to the Pav-stache.

So, the finals are set between Ken Landreaux and Carl Pavano…or are they? Wait, that’s Mike Marshall’s music! Mike Marshall is in the building and headed for the ring! And he’s got a folding chair of awesomeness. It’s perhaps unfair that Mike Marshall is getting a bye in the first few rounds here, but The Common Man was only alerted to his awesomeness by an intrepid commenter after the first round had ended. The only way to insert him was to include Marshall in the finals, which TCM is pretty sure he would have made on his own anyway. So, without further ado, we have a three-way battle royale for the title! The competitors are:

Ken Landreaux

Landreaux lasted just two seasons with the Twins, but they were memorable. He was acquired as part of the deal for Rod Carew. Playing CF (not particularly well, according to, Landreaux posted a 111 OPS+ in 1979 and had a 31-game hitting streak in 1980 that is still the Twins’ record. During the streak, he hit .392/.445/.496 with 49 hits, but only 10 of those were for extra-bases. His BABIP was .416 during the streak. But from May 31 on, he hit .238/.291/.384 to drop his overall OPS+ down to 99. Behold, the power of random luck. The Twins used the hype from his hitting steak to deal Landreaux to the Dodgers for three prospects, including Mickey Hatcher. Sadly, Landreaux mustache went with him.

Carl Pavano

Pavano was acquired by the Twins in August of 2009 for a PTBNL, and has turned in very solid performances since. He’s won 22 games in just 44 starts and has proven to be a workhorse. The Twins re-signed him this off-season for the next two years. His biggest contribution to the team, the Pav-Stache, has inspired imitators around the Twins clubhouse who are looking to capitalize off the mojo of the mustache. It’s a true team leader.

Mike Marshall

The rubber-armed Mike Marshall signed as a free agent with the Twins in May of 1978, after it looked like he was done in 1977. Over the next two years, he pitched 241.2 innings out of the bullpen, winning 20 games, saving 53, and posting a 2.57 ERA. Marshall was nothing short of amazing, but his 1981 was a bust and the Twins let him and his epic mustache go, which was basically the end of the line for the good doctor.

So that’s it, vote in the final poll below. And we’ll announce the winner on Wednesday!

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